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Dear Hummingbird

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 Good
(@good)
Trusted Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 47
Topic starter  

Humming bird sitting tight feeling right
Look at the sky at night
Is it not as black day
as people say

City light, shine on city night
*Hiding under tights
The hookers pray*
God may one day
Press the button fight and overwrite

Humming bird stacked up like sheer white height
Now takes flight with delight
The bird of night
Out of sight

Edit:
So, I thought these lyrics created a nice image. Maybe not the most though provoking words to ever be put together though. I'm also pretty sure another verse is needed after the one beginning City light, and I should possibly even work in some sort of chorus although I think it may work well with just the beginning and end verses beginnning in the same way.

I'm particularly unhappy with the part I've marked with stars, it just seems a bit, well, rubbish, doesn't it? Oh yeah and the same goes for the title, I hadn't thought of one then I went to post this and realised I needed a subject heading.

Also, I'd like to sing it in a kind of talking way(ugh, horrible description I know). I'd like for it to plod along. But seeing as I've only been playing guitar a few months, every time I try to sing to it comes out hummmmmmmmmmmmmmming bird siiiiiiiiiiiiiitting tight. Which is just awful?

We're like The Beatles, except there's four of us.


   
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(@musicmaniac221)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 148
 

uhhh....whats it about? I like the rhyming tho!

Do what you love, love what you do
http://www.acidplanet.com
-Nick


   
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(@e-sherman)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 374
 

I love it. This is my sorta thing.

The king of rock, some say lives
the lizard king, is surely dead
the king of France, lost his head
the King of Kings... bled
( email me at esherman@wideopenwest.(com). I almost never check my hotmailaccount.


   
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 Good
(@good)
Trusted Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 47
Topic starter  

uhhh....whats it about? I like the rhyming tho!

Yeah, I was really focussing on the rhyming. It turned out to be about a humming spying on the corruption of the world, another verse would hopefully make this more apparent.

Glad you liked it E.Sherman! Because I haven't wrote many it feels great hearing that.

We're like The Beatles, except there's four of us.


   
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