Sliding Into Insanity

Phew, if that's unfinished......!!! Doesn't seem a whole lot wrong with it from where I'm sat - the only thing hard to pin down is what kind of style you're aiming at? First thing I thought was angry, up-tempo rocker with a kind of stop/go stuttery riff for the chorus (hard to articulate, but think Pete Townshend...)......but you have probably got something else in mind completely!!!

There are a couple of places where I lost the meter, and had to cram a couple of words in or leave a pause....again, it's hard to get inside someone else's head!

Oh and is the 4th verse meant to be a bridge? It seems different to the other three....

Lyrics are good, get the point across....I like the way you change the chorus slightly, just the 3rd line....

See, it's not so hard, this lyric posting, is it?

:) :) :)

Vic.

Hey Elecktrablue,

These are just some initial thoughts. First off, I like it. It's quite good. And I'm sure that we can all identify with someone that would fit your subject here. (I can think of a few offhand)

There are any number of styles you could go with it. As Vic mentioned, it would work as an up-tempo rock piece. I could also see it as a ballad. Or even a folk ballad. You could do it as a blues piece. All kinds of possibilities.

One thing you might consider in the chorus, is to change the word "king" in each line. Something like:

He's the monarch of the monkeys,
He's the sultan of the snakes,
He's the emperor of the phonies,
He's the king of all the fakes.

You might have already tried that and preferred it with "king" in each line. I dunno, just thought I'd suggest it. Also, there's a couple places where it doesn't seem to flow, but as Vic said, it's tough to know for sure without hearing it. i.e.: the last two lines of verse 2:

But it's the lack of talent
that was all people knew.

might work better as:

His glaring lack of talent,
was all that people knew.

I think the song might pack more punch if you wrote it in the first person. It reminded me of "Positively 4th Street", "Diamonds and Rust", "You're so Vain", in mood, and those were all written in the 1st person. Not that that establishes a rule or anything, I just think it might be more powerful that way.
It's always a pleasure to read your songs.

I think its cool, I see it as less blues rock...more towards alt country...but that's what I've been getting into recently so it may just be me.

I think it's very good! I liked the story it tells.
It's very different from all of the lyrics I've read lately, which is a good thing I guess! :D

yuh I agree with Princess...I like the story it tells. I like the chorus just because it has the word monkeys in it...lol jk ( i really do like it)

Hey Elecktrablue,
One thing you might consider in the chorus, is to change the word "king" in each line. Something like:

He's the monarch of the monkeys,
He's the sultan of the snakes,
He's the emperor of the phonies,
He's the king of all the fakes.

Excellent idea........ I only used the word "king" because that was how this particular idiot was referring to himself..... as the "king of the monkeys and the king of the (he actually used the term rattlesnakes, but I cut it down to...) snakes.
the last two lines of verse 2:

But it's the lack of talent
that was all people knew.

might work better as:

His glaring lack of talent,
was all that people knew.

Another excellent idea! I was packed with emotion when I was writing and needed more to get it out than to make sure it was right........... I'll make that change...........thank you!
It's always a pleasure to read your songs.

Thank you! :wink:

(Gotta tell the story now, though........... it all started because he lived in my house for a very short time (4 months). The deal was, no rent, he paid electric and water bills and helped me around the house and property (this is a HUGE house and it's got LOTS of property and I can't take care of it by myself!). Long story short, he paid one month's electric and water bills, he never lifted a finger to help me with squat. He stayed in his bedroom in the dark smoking speed for days and days on end. I tossed his butt, which meant that a 53 year old man had to go live with Mama. More than a year later I wrote him a rather nice letter, I thought, asking him to, at the very least, offer to make small monthly payments toward the more than $1000 he owes me. This obviously sent him over the edge. I'll scan the letter he wrote me (that was addressed to someone else) and post it on my site for y'all to see exactly why I wrote what I did! You might also need to know that the guy the letter was addressed to kicked the insane one out of the band they were playing in together and somehow, in his drug impaired brain, the two things somehow became one. Lunacy........ OMG......... like I don't have enough in my life already without this!!!! I'm just really glad that I got him out of my house before he went insane! Anyway, the letter he wrote keeps jumping from me (who he rightfully owes money to) to the guy who kicked him out of the band so much that it's really difficult to keep up with which one of us he's raving about at any particular time! You may have to read it three or four times....... we all did! LOL! I'll post the URL here when I get it scanned...........

How's this? Better, I hope? And, thanks, Scratch, I think your changes reflect my feelings perfectly! I'm handing it to "The King's" former band tonight, to let them do the music for it.......... they know him as well as I do and I'm quite sure that they will do it exactly right! :D I hate being vindictive, but, dammit, sometimes some people just make it necessary!! At least I take my rage out by writing songs rather than by doing something destructive!!! :wink:

Sliding Into Insanity
Elecktrablue

You know, it's such a shame,
To watch someone go insane.
He has convinced himself,
It's the fault of someone else.
All of the world has changed,
He's the only one still sane.

He's the monarch of the monkeys,
He's the sultan of the snakes,
He's the emperor of the phonies,
He's the king of all the fakes.

He always had the thought,
That if he called himself an "Artist",
Then people would give the respect,
That he was sure that he was due.
But, his glaring lack of talent,
Was all that the people knew.

He's the monarch of the monkeys,
He's the sultan of the snakes,
He's the emperor of the flunkies,
He's the king of all the flakes.

You try to help him, but,
He expects to be handed,
The world on a platter.
Without even a thought,
That your feelings might matter.
Or, if you had them or not.

He's the monarch of the monkeys,
He's the sultan of the snakes,
He's the emperor of the phonies,
He's the king of all the fakes.

He smiles in your face,
Then stabs your back, and,
Blames someone else 'cause,
He couldn't be to blame.
He is not, after all, held,
Responsible for anything at all.

He's the monarch of the monkeys,
He's the sultan of the snakes,
He's the emperor of the flunkies,
He's the king of all the flakes.

When he realized he was wrong,
Mr. Nice Guy tried to emerge.
A day late and a dollar short,
Offering to negotiate a deal.
But only in order to stay,
Out of jail, he can't get bail.

He's the monarch of the monkeys,
He's the sultan of the snakes,
He's the emperor of the phonies,
He's the king of all the fakes.

You know, it's such a shame,
To watch someone go insane.
He has convinced himself,
It's the fault of someone else.
All of the world has changed,
He's the only one still sane.

(And, I DO believe that the lyrics are now complete!)

well...you believe correctly...great! mind telling me the story behind them tho? I have msn [email protected] and AIM - musicmaniac221...add me and ill talk to you on friday okey? and post up the story if you will...great song...it is done for me...ne else think so?

Great Elektra

Another great song, Elecktrablue.

I though the first version was good but I agree that making the changes scratchmonkey suggested has greatly improved it. I also like the extra verse you have added ('A day late and a dollar short' - I love that line) and repeating the first verse at the end, I think, strengthens the whole song.

well...you believe correctly...great! mind telling me the story behind them tho? I have msn [email protected] and AIM - musicmaniac221...add me and ill talk to you on friday okey? and post up the story if you will...great song...it is done for me...ne else think so?
Great Elektra

Thank you!

And, if you would like to read "The Saga of Sliding Into Insanity" I have posted it at http://www.elecktrablue.com/insanity.html

And, I DID add you to my MSN........ haven't gotten around to AIM yet, but I will! :D

Very nice job.

Thank you for letting us get a look at your process. The song is great. I'm going through a similar situation myself with a family member but it's clinical depression not smoking speed.

Your story scares me. I hope you stay clear of this lunatic until he is either in prison, hits bottom and turns his life around, or does himself in.

The song gets to he feelings of frustration and anger right on the money.There are a couple of places where I trip over the meter but that may take care of itself when you work out the music.

Nice to see you working on your fear of the Submit Button

Celt

Very nice job.

Thanks, again! Can't ever hear that too much!
Thank you for letting us get a look at your process. The song is great. I'm going through a similar situation myself with a family member but it's clinical depression not smoking speed.

It's always hard when you watch someone you love and care about sliding into something that you are helpless to do anything about.... I hope things get better with your family member!
Your story scares me. I hope you stay clear of this lunatic until he is either in prison, hits bottom and turns his life around, or does himself in.

It scares me, too. Luckily, though, I have friends who are looking out for me. I really do hate the thought, though, that, rather than turn his life around, it's going to be suicide. I can't see him allowing himself to be locked up. I'm afraid it will be one of those "suicide by cops" that you see on TV so often.
Nice to see you working on your fear of the Submit Button

Y'all may have created a monster! LOL! :D But, to be perfectly honest, I've never been the jump-right-in-there-and-participate sort of person. In fact, I hung around GuitarNoise for nearly a year and a half before I EVER posted anything on the forum! Nothing shy about me, huh? LOL! But, y'all are helping me get over it quite nicely! Thanks to all of you!