Hey guys... I'm very new to this, so go easy. *deep breath* Well, here goes. The title is February Goodbye:
The sound of a heart breaking
With nowhere else to go
Instantly a hopeless empty shell
But no one will ever know
All alone to deal with the news
That I never had seen coming
My heart is being crushed
And it just keeps breaking
{chorus}:
The ones we take for granted
So easily taken away
All of the things I thought of
But never thought to say
The final day, the final hour
Has brought us here this way
The word was finally spoken
Having to say goodbye today
I should have said thank you
While I still had the chance
The fights were never ending
But I never thought they'd last
We lost our chance at sorry
The final word was spoken
In the February air
Your final breath was given
{chorus}
I still feel the way I felt
When I think back on that day
The day the world crashed down
When He took you away
I miss you…
{chorus}
Ok, kapo 4.
This is an excellent song. Great lyrics. Structure is good but may be better if you try this: Open the song with your chorus, then the three verses, and close the song with the chorus. Remove the "I miss you" from the third verse and add it to the end of the closing chorus. This is just a friendly suggestion. "I really like the song"! Well done!
Take care,
jody
It is good Taryn.
Personally I just get too sad about a heart being crushed, or I envision something really unpleasant, and difficult to bear.
I know that you want to tell your story and share the emotion - I'm not necessarily right for all, but I'd have said instead, "My heart stood still".
Like a bird on the wire,
like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.
Thank you for your suggestions! I really appreciate them and will definitely take them into consideration!
