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Forgive And Forget

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(@dillydally)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 147
Topic starter  

Should I put briges in? And I know it's not perfect and I would like to make this a clean cut and well rounded song, so if not to much trouble any constructive crit out there?

(Verse 1)

Your screaming and I'm whispering
I'm listening and your ignoring
I'm to humble and your to vocal
You are cursing with each verse
That is spoken, while I stay
Quiet and wish I would stop chokin'.

(Chorus)
You are my abnormality
Which is a minor formality
As I've always said
Why can't we just
Forgive and Forget.

(Verse 2 )

My hands are in my pockets
While yours are ready to swing
I'm waiting in the highest seats
While you aim for the fences
My eyes flinch for one second <-------Any ideas for these lines to contrast each other?
and yours stall for not one second.

(Chorus 2)

Forgive and Forget
were my words last time
Whether it be give up
or put up, you will
be my last crime.

(Verse 3)

Beaten and bloody is his body
His hands are swollen and muddy
Each others vision is blurred and
Each screaming sounds
The other never heard.

Chorus1 -resolved

You were my abnormality
Which was a minor formality
As I'd always said
Why wouldn't we just
Forgive and Forget.

Chorus2 - resolved

Forgive and Forget
were my this whole time
Whether it was give up
or put up, you were
my last crime.

Chorus 3

We are each other
One in another
Fighting and falling
Hollering and listening
Together we were
meant to just
Forgive and Forget.

It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.


   
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(@dillydally)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 147
Topic starter  

Suppose Not. Well if anyone does have any help or constructive crit post here or pm. Really want to polish this song off.

It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.


   
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(@rocketgirl)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 206
 

DillyDally,

Since you want to "polish this off" you must have some music in mind. Do you have a recording to share? Happy writing, G.


   
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(@dillydally)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 147
Topic starter  

I can't give a song example yet but I want to do a quick recording or something. Yet I want song to be well enough formatted to where if I need to I can make small changes while in studio, so as not to waste time.

It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.


   
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(@cooker)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 112
 

dil...quickly..."and you don`t blink forever"I can only think of changing words if your looking for a rhyme..second to perhaps "moment" and atonement,,instant..reckon..??

You can sleep when you`re dead!
"and baby all you need...is just a little more love"


   
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