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"CLOCKS"

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(@youngrawker)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 39
Topic starter  

So heres a good song I wrote, I was thinking of something crossing Nirvana with the Ataris....tell me what you think.

(VERSE 1)
Hes lost in a world
Inside his mind
His best friend becomes
His darkest lie
He's all alone
Running from life
He knows hes wrong
And searches for right

(BRIDGE)
He can't remember what its like to feel alive

(CHORUS)
And the clocks keep spinning
And the hands keep ticking
But theres no turning back
But theres no turning back from here

(VERSE 2)
Another day
Screaming inside
He tries to escape
From the endless fight
So much to see
But never the light
Cold and Lost
In the middle of the night

(BRIDGE)
He cant remember what its like to feel alive

And the clocks keep spinning
And the hands keep ticking
But theres no turning back
But theres no turning back from here

(VERSE 3)
I guess this is our last "goodbye"

(CHORUS)
And the clocks keep spinning
And the hands keep ticking
But theres no turning back
But theres no turning back from here


   
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(@dillydally)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 147
 

And the clocks keep spinning
And the hands keep ticking

Did you switch this around on purpose?
Or was it meant to be :

And the clock keep ticking
And the hands keep ticking?

Also do something like this?

His clocks keep spinning
as his hands keep ticking ?

Or :

His clocks keep spinning
As time keeps ticking
He's so far ahead
that there's no way back.

It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

hi

This is a very nice piece of writting

the chorus is very well constructed ( i love it )

good work keep up the writting

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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(@oasisman)
Eminent Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 25
 

I have noticed you've taken my advice in labeling each section, you've gotta admit it, it does make it much more readable.

The story is really good, chorus is really good as well, not much else to say, write music to it, record it, sell it.

I hate to be a perfectionist, but you didn't label one of the choruses. Also, Verse 3 doesn't look like a verse, it's only one line, I'm guessing it's a "Middle" section.

Anyway, good writing.

Cheers.


   
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(@youngrawker)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 39
Topic starter  

^yeah, thats what I ment for the third verse, sorry 'bout that....

But thanx all!


   
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