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It’s A Cruel World Out There - First song of the new year

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(@oasisman)
Eminent Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 25
Topic starter  

Well, here's my first song of the new year and I like it, it's in 3/4 timing.

It's A Cruel World Out There
© 2006 P J King

(Verse 1)
I know just what you're like
Why do we fight?
Why do we fight?

(Verse 2)
I know just what you need
Gotta be freed
Gotta be freed

(Bridge)
And I call and I scream and say that you're mine
Well isn't fine
Isn't fine
Isn't fine to be alive

(Chorus)
But it's a cruel world out there
It's a cruel world out there
It's a cruel world out there
It's a cruel world out there

(Repeat Verse 1)
(Repeat Verse 2)
(Repeat Bridge)
(Repeat Chorus)

(Middle)
Give me a chance
To prove you wrong
It won't be long
Till I'm there with you

(Repeat Verse Chords)
(Repeat Variation of Bridge Chords)

(Repeat Chorus)
(Repeat Chorus)

(Outro)
It's a cruel world out there
Gotta take a chance
Take it with both of your hands
Never let go
It's a cruel world out there
It's a cruel world out there


   
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(@zaiga)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 64
 

I suppose the bridge is actually a pre-chorus, and the middle is the bridge? ;) Ah, just semantics, really.

In the bridge I suppose it should be "It isn't fine"?

The lyrics have a good flow to them, and I can almost hear the music when I read them, which is always a good sign. It seems you have a interesting story to tell, but I think you can elaborate on it a bit more. Right now there's not enough substance and a lot of repeated lines. There's a danger that it gets boring too quickly for the listener, especially taking into account that the first verses, bridge and chorus get all repeated.

I think I would add a different set of lyrics for the repeated verses and bridge. This gives you a chance to tell the listener a bit more about the subject, and makes it more varied and interesting to listen to.

I'd also toss in a different line into the chorus, again for variation. Instead of the AAAA structure you have now, a AABA structure might be nice. Something like:

But it's a cruel world out there
It's a cruel world out there
Out of my window I stare
And see (it's) a cruel world out there

I'm sure you can come up with something that fits your song better, but it's just an idea.

Good luck with the song!


   
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(@oasisman)
Eminent Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 25
Topic starter  

Bridge = Pre-chorus in my book, middle is just something different in the middle, also known as a middle 8 but mine doesn't go for 8 bars.

It is "isn't"; I like it like that because it's sort of sarcastic and slightly angry, because it isn't fine.

I'm glad someone pointed out that there are only 2 verses and they get repeated, I am going to be writing a 3rd verse and maybe a 4th so that it doesn't go stale.

I agree with the variation in the chorus, I also agree that it has to be the 3rd line, gotta have the right number of syllables though, I'll think of something.

Thanks for the input; I'll see what I can do soon.

The last two lines of the middle section spawned a new song, and I think it's my most memorable. This is mainly due to how the chords are arranged and the repetition of the chorus lyrics. So memorable I had trouble sleeping because it was stuck in my head. I'll post it soon, I haven't written a 2nd verse yet, but all the rest is done (bridge and chorus that is), it's so easy once you have a melody.

Cheers.


   
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(@oasisman)
Eminent Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 25
Topic starter  

Verse 3 and 4 have been added.

It's A Cruel World Out There
© 2006 P J King

(Verse 1)
I know just what you are like
Why do we fight?
Why do we fight?

(Verse 2)
I know just what you need
Gotta be freed
Gotta be freed

(Bridge)
And I call and I scream and say that you're mine
Well isn't fine
Isn't fine
Isn't fine to be alive

(Chorus)
But it's a cruel world out there
It's a cruel world out there
It's a cruel world out there
It's a cruel world out there

(Verse 3)
I know just what you've read
All in your head
All in your head

(Verse 4)
I know just how you lie
Is this goodbye?
Is this goodbye?

(Repeat Bridge)
(Repeat Chorus)

(Middle)
Give me a chance
To prove you wrong
It won't be long
Till I'm there with you

(Repeat Verse Chords)
(Repeat Variation of Bridge Chords)

(Repeat Chorus)
(Repeat Chorus)

(Outro)
It's a cruel world out there
Gotta take a chance
Take it with both of your hands
Never let go
It's a cruel world out there
It's a cruel world out there


   
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