Greetings everyone, I'm a n00b, and would like to improve my song writing skills, i'll post you an example.
This is a song i'm working on now, it's Called :
Our War To Remember
Memories fading, anticipating.
Death destruction, goverment corruption.
Allies conspiring, rifles still firing.
No more sorrow, untill tomorrow.
Whispering voices speak out all our choices,
The cold wind shows figures through the shadows,
Alone with our thoughts, ships leaving all the ports,
The sound of silence, before the violence.
This is our war to remember. X2
Explosions left and right, firefights through the night,
Can't you see that it's all just a misery.
Bullets flying past your ear, why on earth are you here.
Your eyes are heavy and you haven't slept for days.
Words from your family, is the only remedy,
Stops the insanity from calling you.
Screams of your fallen friends echos inside your head,
Your closing your eyes and wishing it all away.
Thats all i got so far..
Thanks for your feedback.
You Know Who You Are.....
Lyrics are fine, but don't quite scan - I have a lot of trouble reading the second verse to the same beat as the first verse.....if you can shorten one or lengthen the other.......only the first four lines by the way, the last four are fine.........
Maybe you need a bridge, or another short verse, just to explain why it's your/our war....it could refer to ANY war and it isn't clear as to which - first verse sounds sort of American influenced, 2nd verse feels more like WWI.....
Just a suggestion, reads like a "work/song in progress" rather than the finished article.....I'd like to see said finished article........!
:D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Thanks for your input. :)
the first part 'Memories fading' is like an intro verse thingy, it spoken rather than sung..
then the real verse starts with 'Explosions'
and the beat with the music i have written changes also which is why i may be hard to read along with..
I'm not too sure that this song is written about any particular war, just a war..
And yes, it is a work in progress song....
You Know Who You Are.....
I think you have a great start to a real good song. For some reason I cant come up with a melody when I read thru it. But I like the lyrics. Take care . Nite...................
lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores
