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I can lie awake at night

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(@nolongerme)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 475
Topic starter  

So I haven't been here in a while but here's the latest....

V.1
I can lie awake at night
Wondering if things will ever get right
Somehow wondering if
There was something I missed
When you say it's not to be

V.2
I could have killed a thousand men
Swarming like bees on me
To clear my head and stay alive
I can't live if I have no will to survive
When you say it's not to be

V.3
But I couldn't sort out my thoughts
Kept coming up with it's your faults
Screaming like I was alone
Getting lost on my cell phone
When you say it's not to be

Chorus
I just needed to be alone
Getting lost on my cell phone
Won't care if you talk to me
So shut the shit up and let me free
Just forget we ever happened
Don't think of coveting me
Anymore

Outro/Bridge
I couldn't formulate a plan
Listening to music on my discman
I went to take a walk
But it was so friggin cold by myself
With no one to cuddle up and keep warm
I could have sworn I still love you


   
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(@diluted_metal)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 31
 

Dude i can see what your getting at but some of the words are kinda fuckin cheesey, no offence, please dont take it offensively but dude like when you say "shut the poop up and let me free", i mean "poop"? and words like cell phone and deiscman, sorri it just doesn't suit the song, it makes it sound amatuer but besides all that the over all song has a clear picture and is worth reading.

I love Slipknot, Korn, System of a Down, Ill Nino, Fear Factory, Statc-X, Machine Head, Mudvayne, DevilDriver and South Africa's greatest metal band Seether.


   
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(@nolongerme)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 475
Topic starter  

Dude i can see what your getting at but some of the words are kinda embrace cheesey, no offence, please dont take it offensively but dude like when you say "shut the poop up and let me free", i mean "poop"? and words like cell phone and deiscman, sorri it just doesn't suit the song, it makes it sound amatuer but besides all that the over all song has a clear picture and is worth reading.

Thanks for the commment! The above version of the song has been edited by the mod's here and is not what i had originally said. So that might help you understand about that part. If you would like to see the "real" version, you may check it out here on my forums:

http://artists.forumcircle.com/viewtopic.php?t=91

I think the lines about the cell phone and discman could seem cheesy, but the song is true to somethin that happened in my life and i wanted to keep it that way....anyway. I always welcome comments

p.s. Sorry to the mod's for forgetting to edit my song and to anyone else who was bothered.

:) :)


   
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(@dneck)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 630
 

look what happens when I try to write bitch. Its pretty funny actually, im gonna start saying embrace in real life haha.

"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile


   
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