ok so im sort of afraid to post my songs up here, but this one i see as having good potential - if only i could finish it. Would anyone want to help someone with a serious writers block??? I think i was in the midle of an idea and than forgot that idea at the end (u'll see when u read) so even if anyone wants to change something that i already have down all is good, a lil bit of a criticism will go a long way. thankies everyone :)
Untitled <---need help with that aswell :oops:
In a world where everything is perfect
In a place where she can do no wrong
she is lookin for some answers
Her heart can't sing that sweet song
It is beatin ever stronger
but it will look and love no longer
for it was torn into three pieces
and the walls of life were comin down
she needed somebody
she needed some help
she needed to get out and find herself
reachin out her hand for someone to take hold
and all that she felt was air gettin cold
she's all alone
sittin on a tree stump lookin at the sky
she listens to the ocean and cries, and cries
lost in the darkness, with no where to turn
I know it wasn't reason,
That made me do what wasn't right
but sometimes my heart falls prone
to the nature of your spite.
don't be afraid to post here. you post to get help, how else you gonna improve? i like it up until the last verse or what you have of it, it's not that its bad lyrically it just doesn't fit with the song like you said. maybe something like and this might not be the one, but maybe it could help..
Sitting all alone,
She don't know where to go,
In a world full of confusion,
Is this just a dillusion,
Was a lie in place,
To cover her mistakes,
blah, blah, blah... now i don't think this flows with the song, you might, but just come up with ideas from that maybe. that's all i can say. sorry if i didn't help.
nono that helped alot thanks :D It seems like a weird song tho, i mean it does have more than just one 'flow' to it... actually there's a few ways i sing it, one way it sort of sounds like a disney song (which doesn't exactly fit with disney, i mean i love disney but we all know that those ones are based no morals and teachings and usually turn out to be happy movies - this is anything but. ) anyway tho - sorry im quite the blabber - the other way is more country i guess. im a pretty mellow person and i think it shows in my music, its not necissarily a bad thing, but it would be nice to come up with somethin other than just my same old stuff.
anyway the point in me writin this was to say thanks alot it helped more than you think, i knew someone would be able too. its very much appreciated :)
I know it wasn't reason,
That made me do what wasn't right
but sometimes my heart falls prone
to the nature of your spite.
what do you mean something other than your same old stuff?
i think it means writing about the same subject over and over...it happens
"people laugh at me because im different...i pity you..because your all the same"
gaz i meant what is that your writing over and over as in like do you need help or something like that.
thanks lots guys, tho i still have yet to read that article - im gonna do that right now - but i wanted to clear up something just so no one is confused. When i said 'same old stuff' I meant that Im constantly coming up with the same slow melody, cheesy feel to every song. I've wanted for quite a while to come up with some faster paced one, or maybe just a better more music enhanced piece of work. most of my stuff is mellowed out slow music and well tear jerkers for the most part, i haven't been able to produce a happy song, no matter how hard i try... Tho i know that this song is never going to be changed into a happy song, but i was sort of hopin that maybe somewhere along the lyrics, I can say how she found someone and is no longer alone. humm, im not sure it will work tho. anyway im mostly thinkin outloud to u guys now so i think i'll start to shut up :D lol, and im off to read that article nick - thankies.
I know it wasn't reason,
That made me do what wasn't right
but sometimes my heart falls prone
to the nature of your spite.
well i guess we could work together.... i'm not really good at writing lyrics but i love to write random stuff... dunno about the music of it though...and definetly cant sing...
