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I need you

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(@taylorplayer)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 9
Topic starter  

This song is played pretty fast with some lighter sounding chords. Critisism welcome

Verse 1
Looking and pictures of us
I can't help but smile
All the things running through my head
Have made all of this worthwhile

I guess dreams can come true
I'm just glad that you agree
I don't need too much
Just the promise that you'll always be with me

Chorus
I need you
I've never needed anything quite so bad
Still see you
Remembering the good times that we've had
I love you
With just a little thought I come undone
I've always known, I've always known
That you were the one

Verse 2
We've lived oceans apart
So many miles away
Never been so ready for anything
Just counting down the days

I can't wait to hear your voice
I'll say I miss you on the phone
One more week and you and I
Will never ever have to be alone

Repeat Chorus
Breakdown
It's been so long since I've seen you
So help me to remember
I miss the way that you kissed me
Your lips so soft and tender

There's many things I've noticed
That I can't figure out
But these head-run-wild emotions
Leave me little room for doubt
Repeat Chorus


   
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(@snoogans775)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 297
 

Pretty song, I was kinda dissapointed by the last section

it didn't change, it just hit a plateau and rode it out, you should think up some more material, or just shorten the whole thing, ah, but it's good

lots of pleasant words in there, whole thing is very comftorable

EVERYBODY, where's the critiques? this forum is dead as long as you don't critique people's poems! :(

I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!


   
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(@gmilam)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 159
 

I like the song but I didn't pick up that they were separated at the beginning. It almost seems that Verse 2 should be the first one so you can set it up that they are in love but apart. The whole thing is that this person can't wait to see the other. Maybe put that out there right away.
...just a thought.

Keep up the writing!

I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)


   
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(@taylorplayer)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 9
Topic starter  

I think I shall do just that, gmilam. That does make more sense...thanks


   
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