i'm not sure if i've ever posted this song or not but i'm going to one way or another ;-) just a note; i did this standing at the register at work one nite. i know the lyrics are probably a little weak but whatever works! :-D
-ashlynn
I THOUGHT
i thought i wanted you,
wanted you all for me,
needed you to love me but ...
now that you've realized,
i don't want it from you.
you hang on my every word,
it makes me sick.
you leave me 40 messages,
when you know i am away.
you never give me time,
time for myself.
i thought that i need you,
needed someone to need me.
but now that you've finally given in,
the attention, i don't want it ...
from you.
you want to make plans
every single day.
you push me ...
when i'm already on the verge.
i thought that i need you,
needed someone to need me.
but now that you've finally given in,
the attention, i don't want it ...
from you.
i love you before,
and you pushed me away
now its the other way around
so i'll do the same.
i thought that i need you,
needed someone to need me.
but now that you've finally given in,
the attention, i don't want it ...
from you.
you never want to let go,
always want me to be with you.
and sure, its a great idea
but i need some space.
"... and i want you to come down here and ask questions because my job as a guidance councilor is to guide you and give you guidance ..." --personal quote from my guidance councilor mr. krasnai
Hi'Ya
to be totally honest this just does not work for me sorry , take this verse for instance :
now that you've realized,
i don't want it from you.
you hang on my every word,
it makes me sick.
I would have said :
you hang on my every word,
This is really quite absurd
There are lots of other little changes I would have made to this to achieve a better flow with the lyrics .
I am sure others will disagree with me but then again this is my opion
and I just wanted to point out what I thought
cheers
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
Pardon,
I agree with Lotto on this one. Good change on "you hang on my every word, This is really quite absurd"
The little changes for me would be more falling into the rhyme at the end of the verses. Just like the before mentioned change. I think it would help the flow.
Also, I really like the idea that you have going with wanting something really bad, but then when you finally get it...it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The old" Be careful what you wish for" thing.
But it would of been nice if you built it up a little more in the beginning how much you wanted this relationship. That way when you turn it around about how it sucks...it hits home a little harder. It just seemed to jump into the negative too quickly.
Great start...keep it up!
I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)
Hmm, it approaches a conclusion but it rather ends abrupt.
as to "this is really quite absurd"
well, it really sounds fine, but it reminds me of
SR71
"I used to hang on every word
Each lie was more absurd"
...but then again every rhyme just might remind you of something else. :?
I came up with:
"You hang on my every word
This rang my inner alert"
...not great, but just a thought...
Great start!!!
NO MORE THEORY!!
um...
KNOW MORE THEORY!!!!
<------>
motz
<------>
i like it just how it is, yea there could be a few tweaks here and there for other peoples likings, but thats for them, but to you im guessing it sounded good and i really do like this song
It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.
