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Dancing Shadows

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(@duane)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5
Topic starter  

Hi

I have read a few of the other guys original songs so I thought I might take a chance with one of my own.

Critique it if you like but be honest please. 8)

Duane

Dancing Shadows

© Duane Lee Sogge

Dancing shadows with no light
40 clicks to your dream
A stranger calls to you in the dark
His laughter turns to screams

Red tracers flash in the night
Punge sticks sharp as a knife
Surrounded alone in the DM zone
I hear charley whisper to me

Dance for your country
Dance for your king
Dance your way to glory
Dance your way to the grave

All day long their shelling with bombs
As a young man cries
He holds his friend in his arms
And watches him die

The heat rises to temperatures of hell
Bloodshot eyes in which to see
Surrounded alone in the DM zone
I hear charley whisper to me

Dance for your country
Dance for your king
Dance your way to glory
Dance your way to the grave

Bayonets gleam from reflections in the stream
But I march alone
In my thoughts I often wonder
Will I ever make it home

Would you understand if I lost my friend
And it turned out to be me
Surrounded alone in the DM zone
I hear charley whisper to me

Dance for your country
Dance for your king
Dance your way to glory
Dance your way to the grave

Nevermind the image tags I could not figure out how to submit the photo or take out the tags!


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Hi there

I like this except for the chorus , the following verse really spoke to me but I truely thought your chorus wasn't in the same flow sorry about that .

Bayonets gleam from reflections in the stream
But I march alone
In my thoughts I often wonder
Will I ever make it home

That's my opion and I'm sure it will be different from others , nice writting though through your verses

cheers

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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(@gmilam)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 159
 

I agree about the chorus. It is not as strong as the verses.

Just an idea on the chorus....

fight for your country
Worlds away you're alone
Desperate for glory
Death gets you back home

That is NOT very good....but it might spark an idea or so. (If you wanted to think about changing the chorus) If you like the chorus the way it is...then..ROCK ON!

Good stuff!

Greg

I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)


   
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(@dillydally)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 147
 

very deep song for me just because of whats going on in my family now... i wanna thank you just for writing this :) , makes me feel good to know that someone out there notices everything

It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.


   
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(@alangreen)
Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

Works for me. Welcome to the party, Duance.

Best,

A :-)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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(@m07zm4n)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 184
 

what's a DM-Zone?

NO MORE THEORY!!
um...
KNOW MORE THEORY!!!!

<------>
motz
<------>


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 777
 

I thought it was the "Dementure Zone "

correct me if I am wrong but thats how I read it

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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(@duane)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5
Topic starter  

Thanks for the feed back everyone.

DM Zone stands for demilitarized zone. A land space where occupied troops are not supposed to be. Usually known as the DMZ.

In military terms, a demilitarized zone (DMZ) is an area, usually the frontier or boundary between two or more groups, where military activity is not permitted, usually by treaty or other agreement. Often the demilitarized zone lies upon a line of control and forms a de-facto international border.

Basicly this is a song about a lone soldier seperated from his unit by the death of his buddies and he has to deal with his own emotions, conflicts, fear and possible death in something he does not totally understand.

Hope that helps with the definition and understanding of the song.

Duane

PS

A few people did not like the chorus and I can understand that it is difficult do "Hear" the song without the actual music but I can assure you that with the bridge leading into the chorus, the chords used for the chorus, and a slight timming change works very well for the chorus and adds structure to the overall song.

And by the way the use of the word "Dance" is a metaphore in the chorus. It is not used as a literal meaning for the word. You know if someone challenges you to a fight you might say o.k. lets dance. I thought everyone would get that. It is just a clever way to use a double meaning for one word.


   
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(@m07zm4n)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 184
 

I like the chorus as it is. I like the song as a whole.

Thanks for DMZ. I had absolutley no idea about it :)

NO MORE THEORY!!
um...
KNOW MORE THEORY!!!!

<------>
motz
<------>


   
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(@lostbeggining)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 197
 

I really like this song, the whole thing has a good flow and i like the line "Surrounded alone in the DM zone, I hear Charley whisper to me" ....brings up many musical images in my head head of how that part sounds and could lead into the chorus. I know what some people could mean about the chorus because it paints a slightly different colour than the rest of the song but i 100% agree that you can never hear the proper delivery of lyrics without hearing the whole song with music. As a conclusion, very good peice...maybe you should try to post up an mp3 eventualy? theres many sites like soundclick.com in which you can upload mp3s for us to listen to. Well done

Take it easy

+

Rain Shadow


   
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(@duane)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5
Topic starter  

Thanks Edwin

I never thought of an MP3 version. This song is basicly an acoustic type of sound in 4/4 timming intermixed with a soulful blues type of electric lead guitar. At the intro I invisioned a background mix of huey helicopters engine noise in flight that travels across the left, right, frount, back of the speaker system that leads into the intro chords for the song.

By the way it is not mentioned in the song but Dancing Shadows are in fact silhouetted chopers in flight over the DMZ zone.

Tell me more about how to make a MP3.

Thanks, Duane


   
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(@virgel-cane)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 17
 

Hey Duane,

Very, very cool song. I only have a couple questions or perhaps suggestions. I'm new to this songwriting stuff so don't assume I know what I'm talking about.
The first is that the chorus seems to be competing for the line "Surrounded alone in the DM Zone" which you've used several times in the song. It's a powerful statement and yet seems to me to get deluted by over use. Yet based on you song structure, it would be a bitch to remove and replace.
The other thing is based on your last post about the huey sound you intend to add. Pink Floyd used the helicopter sound in their "The Wall" album so it may come off as a rip-off and uncreative. But then Metallica used it too with some machine gun fire and everone loved it.
Just some thoughts.
It's a good song so take these suggestions lightly.

The Virg


   
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(@duane)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5
Topic starter  

Thanks Virg

It does seem that the phrase (when read) "surrounded alone in the DM zone I hear charley whisper to me" is redundant but this is done for two reasons.

(1) it is all about hooks and comfort for the listner, people like to recognize what is comming next, it provides a safe sense of feeling, not sure why.

(2) It is used as a familiar lyric hook that builds up to the chorus which is an entire new set of chords and the lyrics are used as a gateway to understanding what the song is really about. In this case the enemy (charley) taunting him (or is it his own demented state of being or mind) to blindly follow his leaders ie country, king, to glory and death.

The whole song really is trying to visually describe a state of being for this soldier who is trapped alone in the bush without help and exhausted from physical and mental fighting.

So I tried to input images into the song to get this point across and still keep it simple.

Hope that helps, Duane


   
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(@virgel-cane)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 17
 

Yeah, Ok. I hear what your after.

I've heard a couple of 'war' songs recently, and have generally been turned off. Your song isn't like the others. It doesn't take sides. I like that. War is hell, period. Whatever side your on.


   
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