Welcome to the Heartbrake Bar & Grill
Conveniently located on the banks of Whiskey River
-------------------------------------------------------------
(Intro)
We saw you down by the river.
You was dancin with an old friend.
You looked happy in his arms there.
Are you in love with him?
(Bridge 1)
Girl you're married to my brother.
What you're doin is all wrong.
I found him sittin in a bar room.
He'd been drinkin all night long.
(Verse 1)
In his hand was a shot glass.
He was drinkin full throttle.
And I could plainly see,
that he'd done hit rock bottom.
(Verse 2)
So I sat down at his table.
The way his hands shook was a shame.
He was blurry eyed and cryin.
Oh, his tear drops fell like rain.
(Verse 3)
He turned-n-looked me in the eye.
Said: I've lost her to that other guy.
Can't believe she's traded me for lust.
She'll never know the tears it's cost..
(Chorus 1)
And if whiskey flowed down whiskey river,
I would drink that river dry.
Drink and cry
Then I'd fill it right back up again,
with all these tears flowin from my eyes..
(Chorus 2)
I.. I would jump right in that river!
And I could swim from shore to shore.
That's for sure
But I just might let it drag me under,
cause I can't take this pain any-more.
(Short Brake)
(Verse 4)
He took off his weddin ring.
Said: I can't wear this thing.
He downed a double shot,
and I kept on drinkin while he sang:
(Verse 5)
I get my comfort in a bar room,
and not always one shot at a time,
while I'm singing to the bar-maid,
I wish this sad song wasn't mine..
(Verse 6)
I get my lovin from the bar-maid,
one glance at a time,
while I'm singin to my shot glass,
I wish this sad song wasn't mine.
(Verse 7)
He slipped the bar-maid a twenty.
Rolled tightly in it was his ring.
When she relized what was in there,
She whaled-up-n-wept while he sang:
(Bridge 2)
Girl you're married to me now!
What you're doin you know wrong.
You've got me cryin in bar rooms.
Got me drinkin all night long..
(Chorus 1)
And If whiskey flowed down Whiskey River.
I would drink that river dry.
Then I'd fill it right back up again,
with all these tears flowin from my eyes..
(Chorus 2)
I.. I would jump right in that river,
and I could swim from shore to shore,
but I'd probly let it drag me under,
cause I can't take this pain any-more.
(Outro)
But I'll still be here tomorrow,
still drownin in my sorrow.
I like it. I can "hear" it in my head, very cool. Ideas for a sound yet? Seems to me like a nasty George Thorougood type piece.
Ewan McGregor: I said, "Eve, I want you to look after my wedding ring while I'm away," and she started to cry and I said, "Eve. Eve, I can't wear my ring or I won't get laid on the trip!"
Hmm, I'm thinking Country rather than GT and the Destroyers - seems like a real crying in your beer song to me. Only problem I have is the references to "Whisky River" - that's just too Willie Nelson for me. If you mean it as a tribute to Willie, fine....but otherwise, it's a little too close for comfort. That song's just too well known - if someone here wrote a song called "Stairway to Heaven," or "Smoke On The Water," I'd probably get the same reaction.
Maybe you could change it to something like, "If whisky flowed down the river," or "if Whisky flowed down this river?"
Other than that, it looks like you've got maybe 90-95% of the way to a good song. You might want to exaggerate the drinking a little more - instead of "one shot at a time," perhaps "one bottle at a time" if you could work it in without breaking the flow of the song....
But - looking good, onesong. Hope your name doesn't describe your output, and there's more to come!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
This sounds like a good'n.
I hope you continue with this.
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Hmm, I'm thinking Country rather than GT and the Destroyers - seems like a real crying in your beer song to me. Only problem I have is the references to "Whisky River" - that's just too Willie Nelson for me. If you mean it as a tribute to Willie, fine....but otherwise, it's a little too close for comfort. That song's just too well known - if someone here wrote a song called "Stairway to Heaven," or "Smoke On The Water," I'd probably get the same reaction.
Maybe you could change it to something like, "If whisky flowed down the river," or "if Whisky flowed down this river?"
Other than that, it looks like you've got maybe 90-95% of the way to a good song. You might want to exaggerate the drinking a little more - instead of "one shot at a time," perhaps "one bottle at a time" if you could work it in without breaking the flow of the song....
But - looking good, onesong. Hope your name doesn't describe your output, and there's more to come!
:D :D :D
Vic
Hi Vic,
Actually I have had several names for the river. "Raging River" "River of Tears" "Heart Break River" On another forum it was suggested I look at Willie Nelson's songs. So I did. When I heard Whisky River that was it. It was perfect. I borrowed the lyric whisky river for my song, but I did not use it for the title like Willie did. I definately consider using whisky river a tribute.
I'm going to work in the background and see what I can come up with as far as exaggerating the drinking a little more. I had planned to have beer and wine in the song too, but it didn't happen. I'll try some rewrites on the computer. If I can come up with anything promising i'll post it right here. I do have a few more songs that I will post as time go'es on.
I really appreciate your time to give this review. Thank you for the complement. And yes, there is more to come.
Take care,
jody
This sounds like a good'n.
I hope you continue with this.
Thanks KR2. I'm glad you like it.
Take care,
jody
"Heart Brake River"
Not to be a Grammar Nazi, but if you are considering that as a title, you should know it's "Heart Break". Brake is only used when referring to stopping a car. Any other time you use break.
I think you have a good song there. Good visuals and I like the idea of "I wish this sad song wasn't mine." It's a good turn of phrase. The only thing jumped out at me was some verb tense mismatching...
I saw you at Whisky River,
kissin your ol' friend.
You look happy in his arms.
Guess you're still in love with him.
You jump from past tense ("saw") to present tense ("you look") and it's kind of jarring. Maybe change look to looked.
"Heart Brake River"
Not to be a Grammar Nazi, but if you are considering that as a title, you should know it's "Heart Break". Brake is only used when referring to stopping a car. Any other time you use break.
I think you have a good song there. Good visuals and I like the idea of "I wish this sad song wasn't mine." It's a good turn of phrase. The only thing jumped out at me was some verb tense mismatching...
I saw you at Whisky River,
kissin your ol' friend.
You look happy in his arms.
Guess you're still in love with him.
You jump from past tense ("saw") to present tense ("you look") and it's kind of jarring. Maybe change look to looked.
Hi jwmartin,
Thank you very much for the critique. I've made corrections. When I write, I close my eyes and type what I see and hear in my mind. Much of the time I haven't a clue what is written until I read it. My time is so very limited that I often miss detail stuff. I appreciate it when you and others bring these things to my attention, thank you. I'm glad you like this song. And, thank you for the complements. I did not, and won't change the title. I think it's the perfect title for the song. And, so does everyone who has heard me sing it. Thanks again. I really appreciate those who take time to leave a comment.
Take care,
jody
I like it. I can "hear" it in my head, very cool. Ideas for a sound yet? Seems to me like a nasty George Thorougood type piece.
Hi SGinCYQX,
Thank you very much, I'm glad you like it. Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I am in the process of moving and I somehow missed your post. I do have a melody for it, but it is more country. I'm sure George Thorougood could do this song justice though. Once I'm settled from the move I'll try and get a recording or video done. I'm not really a singer but I should at least be able to give everyone an idea of the melody. Thanks again.
Take care,
jody
This song is truly sad and i know im not old enough to know what its like to be cheated on but this touched me. It is telling a story about a man hurt by his wife cheating and in my opinion its amazing how you told it in the simplist and meaninigful way.
I like it. I can "hear" it in my head, very cool. Ideas for a sound yet? Seems to me like a nasty George Thorougood type piece.
Hi SGinCYQX,
Thank you very much, I'm glad you like it. Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I am in the process of moving and I somehow missed your post. I do have a melody for it, but it is more country. I'm sure George Thorougood could do this song justice though. Once I'm settled from the move I'll try and get a recording or video done. I'm not really a singer but I should at least be able to give everyone an idea of the melody. Thanks again.
Take care,
jody
Looking forward to hearing it.
Ewan McGregor: I said, "Eve, I want you to look after my wedding ring while I'm away," and she started to cry and I said, "Eve. Eve, I can't wear my ring or I won't get laid on the trip!"
This song is truly sad and i know im not old enough to know what its like to be cheated on but this touched me. It is telling a story about a man hurt by his wife cheating and in my opinion its amazing how you told it in the simplist and meaninigful way.
Hi Babs,
Thank you very much. I'll consider this one of the best complements i've ever gotten. Honistly, I was worried the song was too simple. You and the other people here have given me confidence that it's ok, and also may be entertaining. I appreciate your thoughts and that you took the time to comment. Take care.
Sincerely,
jodyWayne
