I've got the chorus, but need some verses

I'm new, so I suppose I should say hi and introduce myself.

Hi. My real name is Ken. I live in Salem Oregon, and I'm always looking for people to collaborate with either live or online. I know Dagwood because we take our dogs to the same park. HI DAGWOOD!!! Anyway, he suggested I join the forum here, so I did.

I just updated my signature, so I'm not sure if it will show up on this post. If you'd like t hear some the things I've recorded you can listen to them here: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=401901

Please keep in mind that most of them are one take improvisations. The song Down in Mexico is an original that I wrote and played all the instruments on (I even sang it, sorry for that.) Let me know what you think of it.

Bye for now.

Hi Ken, welcome to GN.

I like the chorus you have there (although I added another word in the second line, I'm not sure if you missed it out by accident perhaps?)

Anyways, I wrote 2 verses, a short bridge and an outro based on that you had said and the chorus you already have; I literally wrote these in the 10 minutes after reading your post, so they are by no means 'solid', but if you are really stuck for ideas feel free to use / adapt them as you like.

Hope they can be of use to you!

Pete

Verse1
Baby when you walked away
I died inside from all the pain
How could you leave us this way?
The trust I put in you, betrayed

Bridge
Yet still these thoughts of you proceed
To blind my eyes, in waking dreams

Chorus
'cause I've been missing you
for what seems like a lifetime
though I've been holding you
in all my dreams
and when the morning comes,
and I'm feeling blue
the only remedy for me
is dreaming more of you.

Verse2
Honey since you set me free
I've lost the light that you once shone
A darkness covers all I see
The faith I had in you is gone

Bridge
Yet still these thoughts of you proceed
To blind my eyes, in waking dreams

Chorus
'cause I've been missing you
for what seems like a lifetime
though I've been holding you
in all my dreams
and when the morning comes,
and I'm feeling blue
the only remedy for me
is dreaming more of you.

Outro
'cause I've been missing you
and when I'm feeling blue
the only remedy for me
is dreaming more of you

Ken,

Welcome to GN. I like the chorus. As I was reading it I thought
it could be about a love how had passed away also. Then when I
read Reinarnate's verses I realized with some minor edits his could
go that way.

So just in a food for thought sort of way I tried editing his Ideas

Verse1
Baby when that hearse drove away
And I was left standing in the rain
How could you leave us this way?
I almost died inside from the pain

Bridge
And still these thoughts of you proceed
To blind my eyes, in waking dreams

Chorus
'cause I've been missing you
for what seems like a lifetime
though I've been holding you
in all my dreams
and when the morning comes,
and I'm feeling blue
the only remedy for me
is dreaming more of you.

Verse2
Honey you know the girls and me
Have lost the light that you once shone
A darkness covers all I see
Any faith I had is gone

Bridge
And still these thoughts of you proceed
To blind my eyes, in waking dreams

Chorus
'cause I've been missing you
for what seems like a lifetime
though I've been holding you
in all my dreams
and when the morning comes,
and I'm feeling blue
the only remedy for me
is dreaming more of you.

Outro
'cause I've been missing you
and when I'm feeling blue
the only remedy for me
is dreaming more of you

Check out Collaborations and Jams forum and Sunday Songwriters
Group too. I think you may enjoy what you find.

John

Any ideas on a story line to go with this chorus?????

('cause or and, or but depending upon the lead in lyric)
'cause I've been missing you
for seems like a lifetime
though I've been holding you
in all my dreams
and when the morning comes,
and I'm feeling blue
the only remedy for me
is dreaming more of you.

Ken,

The storylines you mentioned work well. Lost love, Separated love (business, military, etc...) You might think about what else can seperate a couple. Class differences, Families quarrelling.

Another idea that struck me is a kind of separation that occurs when a couple just stops working on the relationship. You know? -- They're still "together", but there's no spark, no communication, they're just basically living in the same space, and walking past each other every day.
Your verses could describe the way it was, then the way it is, and finally the way the narrator would like it to be.

Anyways, just a couple thoughts. I think the chorus you have there is beautiful. Certainly could form the core of a terrific song.

You guys are pretty good. I like all the ideas you've come up with so far. They've given me some new directions to explore. I'm especially intrigued by Scratch's idea of the "apart while still together lovers. I think I might be able to do one like that without getting too sappy.

I think I'll record just the chorus part and post it on SoundClick. That way you can get a better idea of how the song feels. As you can imagine it isn't a "peppy" tune. :lol: but it isn't really bluesy either. More akin to the old style country songs.

Anyway, thanks again, all of you, for your input.