OOC| So this is a very short song, I know, and it's supposed to be. Ner. Yes I'm new. Yes this isnt exactly good. But thats why I post it. TO Get improvment suggestions. |
Coming and going,
It's not so easy.
Not as easy as they,
Make it seem.
So I'll need something to lean on.
Well, my crutch is gone,
So looks like,
I cant carry on.
Let me get another,
Someone to help me up,
Keep me strong,
Give me strength,
To carry on.
So I'll rest my head on something real,
Tryin' to figure out what I feel.
Why is my heart beating this slow?
Is there something I don't know?
When the rest of the world spins,
Why do I cry?
Is my heart wide open,
Or am I living a lie?
Keep me strong,
Give me strength,
To carry on.
So I'll rest my head on something real,
Tryin' to figure out what I feel.
Why is my heart beating this slow?
Is there something I don't know?
Keep me strong,
Give me strength,
To carry on.
So I'll rest my head on something real,
Tryin' to figure out what I feel.
Why is my heart beating this slow?
Is there something I don't know?
It's good I liked it. One part I would change if it were me but just my preferance is this:
When the rest of the world spins,
Why do I cry?
Is my heart open wide,
Or am I living a lie?
Keep me strong,
Give me strength,
To carry on.
it's got a repeating 'I' sound at the end of each one if you just switch wide and open around. Just my opinon but I really liked it!
I just briefly skimmed that since im on the run right now, but for your first song it ids very good, and i would say the same thing if it was your 20th. I didnt see anything that would need changing other then the above post, which i agree with, the repeating "I" sound bit. I'm also new to song writing.
Keep at it.
I enjoyed this. Are you sure this is really your first song? You are a natural born with the gift. Keep up the excellent work! It will all pay off in the end.
Aeryn K. McAvan
You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
Life is not about what I've done, what I should've done, what I could've done. Its about what I can do and what I will do.
:D Thanks TONS everyone!
I'll do my best to improve.
>( Icky I's.
I shalth find a way to make that sound better.
