Ok,
I find that I write my words with a rhythm in mind and so I usually insert larger spaces between some words to represent a longer pause. On here though, I am having problems to have long spaces show up in the formatting so I am using the ; symbol instead.
To give you and idea of the rhythm, I have the "Will you" starting on the 4 beat and the "walk" is actually on the "and" after the first beat.
1 and 2 and 3 and Will You 1 walk this road with me and 1 and 2 and 3 and will you 1 share this load with me and 1 and 2 and 3 and will you 1 speak that I may see and 1 and 2 and 3. Hope this makes sense.
More Than Chemistry.
Will you; walk this road with me
And Wont you; share this load with me
And Will you; speak that I may see
Oh Wont you; walk this road with me
Will you; walk this road with me together
Oh Baby; this could be you and me forever
I see that; look you've been giv'n me and
Baby its plain to see; its more than chemistry; more than chemistry oh
When you; wear those things for me
Wont you; take them off for me
And Do you; ever think of me
When you; wear those things for me
Your doin; all you can inside to fight it
And Im doin; all I can outside to ride it
You see that; look I've been given you and
Baby its all you can do to; keep from having me;
cause its more than chemisty yeah
Solo or something in here.
Now I; hear that you may speak
And I will; give so you wont seek
And if you; see my will is weak
Oh Wont you; kiss me on the cheek
And will you; walk this road with me together
Im think'n; if we aren't now then we aint ever
It may take; two fools such as we to
Fail out of chemistry but; we're more than chemistry yeah
We're more than chemistry oh
I thought after this I could run the song out with different versions of the last chorus. The rhymes for together are endless.
Will you walk this road with me together
These are the ties that we cant sever
and so on and so on.
I think this one is a little better balanced than my first attempt. Please give feedback. I am hoping to learn something from posting these out here.
Thanks,
TheJackal.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=283413
Only dead fish go with the flow.
for starters I think youve got a pretty good song. nice job :)
couple suggestions though...
you seem to end a lot of lines with"me" like...
Will you; walk this road with me
And Wont you; share this load with me
And Will you; speak that I may see
Oh Wont you; walk this road with me
When you; wear those things for me
Wont you; take them off for me
And Do you; ever think of me
When you; wear those things for me
rearanging your words might make it sound less repeatative and maybe if you used the word "and" less it would make things a little clearer
also...what exactly is the chorus???? "baby it's more than chemistry" just seems to be pinned onto random verses
just one more thing....just a suggestion..
Your doin; all you can inside to fight it
And Im doin; all I can outside to ride it
You see that; look I've been given you and
Baby its all you can do to; keep from having me;
cause its more than chemisty yeah
it might make more sense(to me at least) as:
Your doin; all you can inside to fight it
And Im doin; all I can outside to HIDE it
but, You see that; look I've been given you and
Baby its all you can do to; keep from having me;
cause its more than chemisty yeah
remember these are just suggestions, take them or leave them :-) keep writting either way :)
