My Best Friend

Joyce,

I think this one is really good too. I think you get your point across well and I like the imagery you use. But since you feel like something's not quite right, here's my two cents:

1) The rhyming scheme in the chorus seemed a little awkward and I was a little confused by the last line of the chorus. The song seems to be about how the relationship between two sisters will outlast a bad guy, but the last line of the chorus introduces yet another guy. I came up with this:

When you're gone and nothing but a bad memory
We'll both get over you and maybe then you'll see
She and I will stay sisters, the best of friends
You'll be far away and this nightmare will end

2) Your first two verses are 4 lines each, but verses 3 and 4 are five lines. That threw me off a little. Without hearing them with music, it's hard to know how they would flow, but I changed verse 3 to:

The first time you hurt her I was there by her side
I tried to ease her pain and held her as she cried
You came back on the scene with your sweet talk and lies
She ran back to you, but I realized…that

I'm not even sure you need the fifth line of verse 4:

Time and time again you tore my friend apart
I held back my tongue; I would never break her heart
I stay by her side through thick and thin
Because that's what you do when you are a true friend
All the time I knew, you would bring pain again

Having written all that, I still think this is great. I'm impressed with the songs you've submitted.

Todd

i didn't see anything wrong with these lyrics, i actually really liked them... the rhyming flows really well for me and the imagery is awesome, i do agree though with todd's on his suggestions they do help, great job

ok ive looked at the suggestions and came up with this

My Best Friend
Joyce Whorton ©2002

V1
When she and I met we were sisters from the start
Then I met you and I feared for her heart
You were brazen and rude, I didn't like you then
But out of love and respect for her I took you in

V2
The times when you were sober you were almost nice
But you would drink down them bottles and become cold as ice
I put up with your antics but I knew damn well
By best friend in the world was gonna go through hell

(chorus)
When you are gone, just a bad memory
We'll be finished with you, maybe then you will see
She and I are still sisters, steadfast, still friends
Your memory's faded, she will dream once again

(True love will find her and her life can begin) not sure if this will fit

V3
The first time you hurt her I was there by her side
I listened to her pain and held her as she cried ( this line works better for the story)
You came back on the scene with your sweet talk and lies
She ran back to you but I realized, one day….

(chorus)
When you are gone, just a bad memory
We'll be finished with you, maybe then you will see
She and I are still sisters, steadfast, still friends
Your memory's faded, she will dream once again

V4
Time and time again you tore my friend apart
I held back my tongue; I would never break her heart
I stay by her side through thick and thin
Because that's what you do when you are a true friend

joyce