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My second song, tel...
 
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My second song, tell em what you think.

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(@michaelgene)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 13
Topic starter  

My Second song. Not a fully polished song, but tell me what you think.

"Different ways"

Two brothers living lives in different ways
He bought a car back in 85
I got guitar that made me strive
Smetimes I wonder what hes doing to today

He'd drive his car all through the night
id play my guitar all through the day
hes always saying im in the way
but right here is where Ill stay

he's got six cylinders that make him drive
Ive got six strings that make me thrive
he thinks hes done everytihng a boy could do
to bad he dosnt have a clue.

He sleeps all day, runs all night
I stand and watch him fade out of sight
where dose he go? I dont know.
but someday I hope he finds the truth.

Two brothers living lives in different ways
He bought a car back in 85
I got guitar that made me strive
Smetimes I wonder what hes doing to today

He'd drive his car all through the night
id play my guitar all through the day
hes always saying im in the way
but right here is where I'm gonna stay

he's gotta dashboard, that he keeps clean
Ive gotta fingerboard, that I keep sounding mean.
he thinks hes seen everything a boy could see
he dosnt know what he wants to be.

he'd drive his car into the night
I play a guitar and keep it, sounding right.
sometiemes he sleeps three days at a time
atleats thats sometihng thats not a crime

Two brothers living lives in different ways
He bought a car back in 85
I got guitar that made me strive
Smetimes I wonder what hes doing to today

He'd drive his car all through the night
id play my guitar all day.
hes always saying im in the way
but right here is where Ill stay

Two brothers living lives in different ways
He bought a car back in 85
I got guitar that made me strive
Smetimes I wonder what hes doing to today

He'd drive his car all through the night
id play my guitar all through the day
hes always saying im in the way
but right here is where I'm gonna stay


   
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(@dneck)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 630
 

a cool idea for a song, you probably shouldn't repeat a chorus that many times unless its just extremely catchy haha.

"He'd drive his car all through the night
id play my guitar all through the day
hes always saying im in the way
but right here is where I'm gonna stay"

especially since this is repeated every verse and the part that comes before this says that he bought the car and you bought the guitar, I feel like this is a little redundant. I think if you spiced this part up a bit with some imagery it would be a lot more powerful. There was a post somewhere that I really liked where someone said that when you ask a person to draw a tree, 99/100 people draw two parallel lines and some bushy stuff one top. They don't draw a tree they draw a representation of a tree. 1/100 people draws a tree, a true image, art.

I think its ok to draw a representation of your song in the beginning. But at some point you have to fill in the outline and really show people what your talking about. This song has a very powerful subject matter but I feel like its written a little to simply to show its full potential.

So for those lines I quoted for instance. instead of saying he drives his car all through the night, why not make it some totally sweet vision of him headed nowhere on a highway with the sun setting or something know what i mean?

I like this part
"he's got six cylinders that make him drive
Ive got six strings that make me thrive"
It continues that duality paradox, but here again the image is static, watch how adding one word to each line makes them come alive.

he's got six banging cylinders that make him drive
Ive got six singing strings that make me thrive

Again I really like the subject matter, makes me think about wanting to write a song about my brother haha. Also a lot of people have brothers so they will instantly relate to this song. Keep it up.

"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile


   
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(@michaelgene)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 13
Topic starter  

Thank you, all the songs I write are based on true matters. This song only took me about 3 weeks to think up and, write down. Thanks for the information.


   
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(@dneck)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 630
 

no problem, lemme know what you think of some of mine

"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile


   
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