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My Star (In the Sky) Complete (finally)


(@rachel_morgan)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 50
Topic starter  

the un-named song i posted earlier finished. i think. unless some other lyrics better pop in my head.

I'm prepping the guitar and getting it sounding better, and then i'll record it and my voice and show you all in the Hear Here section.
its probably the type of song to expect from a beginner at guitar but hey, it'll get better from here. a whole summer to work on it and terrorizing the neighbors from the deck should do it! HAHA! 8)

anyways, any suggestions appreciated :D

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My Star

(verse 1)
I walk outside to view the stars,
And I think of you and where you are
And across the milkway do find,
That I think of you, I think of you all the time

(bridge)
And I wonder if you still think of me,
And I try to apply some reasoning,
And I smile and walk the plank…

(chorus)
And the stars, in the sky,
They fall down, to the ground,
And I wish, and I pray,
For them to , Rise again,
And the stars, flicker out,
And I'm left, on the ground,
And I feel, I feel… so left behind.

(verse 2)
Across the distant ocean wide,
Through fireworks and shooting stars,
I think of you and hold you tight,
To my locked heart…

(bridge)
(chorus)

(verse 3)
and some nights I still see your face,
looking in my dark brown eyes,
the gaze that always stopped my heart,
the hands that held me close…

(bridge)
(2nd chorus)

And my star, in the sky,
It fell down, to the ground,
And I wished and I prayed for it to rise again,
And my star, flickered out,
And I was left on the ground...
Now I leave (I leave) you behind.

(guitar entry chords repeated to end)

----------------------------------------
(alternate verse for somewhere)
and sometimes I think I overlooked,
overstepped and undertook,
the love we had and closet books,
we always joked about…

----------------


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(@gram99)
Trusted Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 62
 

you go girl ... I like the words.

"Nothing happens until something moves."

Albert Einstein


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
 

Nothing intrinsically wrong with this, Rachel, it reads well and there's a nice smooth rhythm to it. I like the alternate verse - the one you havent used! Don't know where you'd put it though, unless you used it as an outro, played and sang very softly...

The only fault I can find is this line....

"And across the milkway do find," - seems forced to me. I'm a great believer in plain speaking - and you'd NEVER use that line in real life, would you! Maybe "And across the milkway I find," would work better.....although for some reason I've just got a craving for chocolate......!

I don't know what music you've got in mind, but acoustic fingerpicking might suit this - perhaps building through the pre-chorus, and strumming the chorus. That's just a suggestion though....

Hope you can record it soon, nice writing!

:D :D :D

Vic

(PS - re the "chocolate" reference - Milky Way is a chocolate bar here in the UK.....)

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@rachel_morgan)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 50
Topic starter  

haha! chocolate! i had a LOT of it last night to finish this! (i know, vocals + choco = bad but yummy)

Yeah, Milky way reads awkward on the paper, but it fits the rythymn in a weird way i think.

I don't know. I may change it to "I", but i'll think on that.

;___; alas, i'm not a very great finger picker yet. I can do ode to joy and that is about it! xD and even that has to be with tabs xD
one of the many things i'm working on this summer.
then a guitar course next year.

But its all very simple strumming, at a slow speed, speeds up on the bridge a bit, then slows down a bit again for the chorus.

haha, thanks Gram! :D

I'm probably going to aim for getting it up for you guys to hear in a few days. it depends how clear my mic will record the acoustic. and if i buzz the guitar, which happens when i'm not paying close attention. work that out...

-wanders off muttering about buzzing- xD :D


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(@barnabus-rox)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2976
 

This is good Rachel

Well done and I hope you do record it for us

Trev

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


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(@coleclark)
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Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 419
 

could you get someone else to play the song the way you imagine in your head maybe and sing over it?

sounds good words wise, simple and strong


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(@rachel_morgan)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 50
Topic starter  

I can see if i can, but i really only know one other guitarist, and i won't see him again till sept, when Praise Band starts back up at the church. So I'd probably try to do a really nice version with him.

but i'll definitely try then!

Yup, i'm definitely recording it. it just might take a bit to fix the minor details.

but its getting there ;)


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