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new song....tell me what ya think


(@guitargeek214)
Eminent Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 41
Topic starter  

so....i wrote this song in a very short amount of time and i'm not quite sure if it's finshed or not yet...but let me know what you think please! any suggestions are greatly appreciated!!
also, there's alot of backround behind this song that may not make sense to somebody who doesn't know the story behind it....so any ideas to make it flow and make sense a little more is also really appreciated. thanks. :D

It started out
With a broken heart
Time could never mend
You gave it all
I watched you fall
'Till you gave up in the end

now time, you thought, would never last
is coming back around
this time, you know, there's nothing left
but the lies you can't live down

(chorus)
I know you, don't tell me
This is how it ends
What happend, to the guy
I cannot forget?

The words i hear
Ring in my ears
Still you won't take them back
If this is what
You have become
Then say goodbye to what we had


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(@lwj001)
Estimable Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 160
 

Howdy guitargeek214. here's my 2 pennies worth:

It all ended up =5
With a broken heart =5
Time could never mend =5
You gave it your all =5
And I watched you fall =5
Til you gave up in the end =7

Now time, you thought, would never last =8
Is coming back around =6
And time, you know, has run out fast =8
The lies you can't live down =6

(Chorus)
I know you, so don't tell me =7
That this is how it ends =6
What happened to that sweet guy =7
Who used to be my friend =6

The words I now hear =5
Ringing in my ears =5
You won't take back and that's so sad =8
Now, If this is what =5
You've got to become =5
Then say goodbye to what we had =8

Kingwood Kowboy
Author of over 6,600 song lyrics
http://www.kingwoodkowboy.com/


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(@guitargeek214)
Eminent Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 41
Topic starter  

alright so after a litte revision and the help of lwj001, i've come to this. personally, i think it's an improvment, but let me know what you guys think too!!

It all ended up - 5
With a broken heart - 5
Time could never mend - 5
You gave it your all - 5
And I watched you fall - 5
Till you gave up in the end - 7

Now time, you thought, would never last - 8
Is coming back around -6
And time, you know, is changing fast - 8
The lies you can't live down - 6

(chorus)
I know you, don't tell me - 6
That this is how it ends - 6
Looking back, who could see? - 6
That it would come to this - 6

The words that I hear - 5
Ringing in my ears - 5
Nothing you say can take them back - 8
Is this really what - 5
All that you've become? - 5
So far from everything we had - 8


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(@jackss565)
Estimable Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 233
 

The second version is definately an improvement, especially like the chorus. Well done!

Jack


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