v1
please squeeze my hand again..
you've still got fight left in you..
your heart just missed a beat..
your red cheeks turn to blue..
v2
your hand is slipping away..
eyes they start to close..
i need you here to stay..
to lead the life you chose..
v3
please turn on the lights..
show me where you are..
im so scared of tonight..
your here but yet so far..
v4
every sad feeling floods my body..
i start to shake..dont say goodbye..
i remember your words.."im here dont worry"
circling my head..i start to cry..
chorus
please dont go now..
you have a purpose..
god please hear somehow..
unfinished business..
v5
im gasping for my breath..
colour returns to your face..
you've been brought back..
turned away from heavens gates..
v6
you grasp my hand again..
my heart misses a beat..
my life is yours god..
for putting her back on her feet..
chorus....rpt (x2)
the song is about when you think your gonna lose someone,but that recurring thing keeps happening...when they keep coming back.. :?
this is in the sense of death and how bad it can be when you think your gonna lose that person.. criticise..compliment..whatever takes your fancy..thanx gaz :)
"people laugh at me because im different...i pity you..because your all the same"
I like it. The hearts missing beats in verse 1 and 6 are clever.
I think it's a very long song though. Maybe you should make it shorter? I think the chorus is the weakest part. If I were in your clothes I think I would have turned verse 2, 3 or 4 into the chorus and skip the one that's your chorus now.
hmm...i kinda like the length of it..i wouldnt wanna take any verses out though..thanks for your opinion it means a lot for people to reply,i thought id kinda reverse the heartbeat thing..hehe thanks again ...gaz
"people laugh at me because im different...i pity you..because your all the same"
Hey Gaz,
I agree with Jonsi that the chorus doesn't seem to fit where it is - was wondering if you wanted to move it in between v4 and v5? The narrative obviously changes at the point, so it could fit between.
I don't want to you to lose the chorus - it would just work better somewhere other than where it is now.
Hope this helps!
G
Listen Louder Than You Play
This may be just my thoughts on this , but the verses seem mixed up.
v3
please turn on the lights..
show me where you are..
im so scared of tonight..
your here but yet so far..
v2
your hand is slipping away..
eyes they start to close..
i need you here to stay..
to lead the life you chose..
v1
please squeeze my hand again..
you've still got fight left in you..
your heart just missed a beat..
your red cheeks turn to blue..
chorus
please dont go now..
you have a purpose..
god please hear somehow..
unfinished business..
ect...
Lucy :)
Forgot to metion it still seems more like dying than just leaving and coming back.
Both are quite emotional
Lucy :)
