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Punk/Alternative Song (first time doing this type of song)

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(@diluted_metal)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter  

Okay this song is like one of those bands like Bowling For Soup

You know that song that goes like (Springsteen, Madonna, Right before Nirvana, there was U2 and Blondia and music still on MTV!)

Well that type of music

Here's the song:

I never was the cool guy
That would get all the girls
It felt like I was trapped in between a wall
I never was the guy that had it all

I never was the dog that its day
I studied so hard all the time and had no play
Then it all seemed to vanish
Right in front of me
She stood there facing so enchantingly

I was a loser!
A winner!
All the time…
A loser
A winner
In my mind…

Back high school
I never was ever cool
I never had the looks
I never had the smile
Women would be running for a mile

But she was something special
Something inside of me told me to be careful
I didn't listen, I walked up to her
Slipped and fell, her drink messing up her hair
She would flirt with all guys
Smiling and brain washing with her eyes

I was a loser!
A winner!
All the time…
A loser
A winner
In my mind…

Never went to the school dance
Walked up to her, thinking I was cool
She wouldn't even give me a chance
Ending up looking like a fool

I was a loser!
A winner!
All the time…
A loser
A winner
In my mind…

I love Slipknot, Korn, System of a Down, Ill Nino, Fear Factory, Statc-X, Machine Head, Mudvayne, DevilDriver and South Africa's greatest metal band Seether.


   
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(@dneck)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 630
 

sweet song man, here are some thoughts i had

"I never was the dog that its day"

Ok im gonna assume that there should be a "had" in there but even so what do you think about this?

This dog never had his day

its slightly shorter so you might need to fix matching line if you wanna use it

and here

Back high school
I never was ever cool
I never had the looks
I never had the smile
Women would be running for a mile

what do you think about this, sort of an image of a kid standing by the track as the girls run by him without another look.

Back high school
I never was ever cool
I never had the looks
I never got a smile
From the girls running the mile

I didnt really know the timing you had in mind for the last line, the only part the is the suggestion is the "never got a smile" part, the rest was just trying to make it fit.

"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile


   
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(@diluted_metal)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter  

Oh, yeah, those lines work better, thanks for the positive crit.

I love Slipknot, Korn, System of a Down, Ill Nino, Fear Factory, Statc-X, Machine Head, Mudvayne, DevilDriver and South Africa's greatest metal band Seether.


   
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