the light behind your eyes

Okay, I've read over your words about 4 times now, and I'm still trying to grasp what's happening. Here's what I depict from your lyrics:

Someone in bed when the sun comes through his window. He sees the shadow of a loved one?, and follows her out the window and down the side of the house. The sun starts shining to bright in his eyes as he comes back to reality. Where he's alone in his home, at night.

One problem I have with your song is the fact that I had to read it over so many times before I could make a guess about what is going on. Personally, I believe when someone "listens" to a song for the first time, they should understand the concept of the lyrics. When they listen again, they'll begin to notice the finer details of the story. Perhaps, I'm just poetically inept. In my opinion you wrote almost too detailed. It's a fine line, but I think you might of crossed it.

A) A bright bothersome sunrise beckons to my eyes
B) A swarm of sunlight falls upon my eyes
C) The bright morning sun creeps into my eyes
D) Ect..

You're line being (A), mine being (B/C). These are not suggested replacements, don't misunderstand. I just feel that sometimes less is more, ya know?

It's kind of like the comic brick wall syndrome. In comics, (book or newspaper), when the characters are infront of a wall, the artist only draws enough bricks for you to know it's a wall. Sure, more would be more detailed, and might make the drawing look more "accurate". However, it would distract from what's really supposed to be the reader's main focus.

I dunno, that's my opinion. I could just be dumb. :oops:

Well its just a lot of imagery about this guy dreaming about a girl and waking up really. All the b's onomonopia ya know haha

im pretty sure it could never be sung exactly how its written, i havent even tried yet. Normally when I write something the lyrics get pruned a bit when i actually sing them, just kinda naturally happens.

That second verse is supposed to be a schoolyard type image of looking down on shadows (yourself) holding hands against a wall

The writing is a little extraneous for a song I guess, might just call this one a poem and forget it haha.

scratch that haha ive got a bitchin progression, the only question is to use it for this song or write something new...

I understand what you mean, in regards to pruning it for singing. I've never sung any songs the way I wrote them, unless of course I was writing with my guitar. Even then, I still change it up in the final run.

Don't you just hate that? Searching for music for your song and you come across a great tune unfortunately it just doesn't suit your song. I have like 8-9 cool progressions backlogged on my cpu just incase I need them for later. :D

Its pretty sweet it starts out with 2 measures of e major, then to c major, then to d major which immediately open up to a d sus2. I dunno if you much about theory but its like the e major makes you think E, then C resolves it unexpectedly (should have been c#m in e) and makes you think its in a suedo C (cause the E should have been minor), but then the C->D makes you sure its in G(which again relates back to the E but again it should have been minor), just in time for the sus2 to add the E note and send the whole thing back home. It bends the classical rules a bit, but it has a strong sound to it, its fun to break the rules sometimes haha. I really think everyone should learn the basic classical rules. They give you the basis for breaking them anyways haha music is so damn sweet. Like This little simple progression bends the rules but you can actually hear all the key changes, the reason it sounds like it does is cause its not quite how youd think it sound. The emajor in C sound seems to be very popular in music, has a very strong intense sound to it.

Oh, i thought the song was that this guy was in love with this girl and then she died, he still thinks about her, she comes back to him in a dream and he wakes up in the morning with curtains closed, radio on, dark and lonely and her eyes is the last thing he saw of her so when he wakes up he can still see them shining bright.

Thats what i thought, but ja anyway, its a really cool song, is it on like a classical guitar?, like a mellow kinda song?