Needs a little work (it's more about the story I want to tell at the moment) but here we go. I wrote this one while noodling on the guitar and I came across a cool sounding progression, so I brainstormed these lyrics. I hope they don't seem comic book in nature.
Well, here we go, it's called 'Smith and Wilson' (two of the more common Aussie names)
Smith and Wilson
Scaling the back fence
A DVD player under arm
Smith looks to the next hit
Smiling like a weasel
Pockets full of cash
Wilson looks to the school bus ahead
Needle in hand,
H in bag
Smith is coming with anticipation
Wilson strolls the mall
Eying a girl of fourteen
Bouncing under her dress
Smith staggers around
Looking for a feed
From the five dollars in his pocket
Wilson sees his next meal
Cowering in fear
Handcuffed to the heater
Scaling the fence
Of the estate at midnight
Smith looks for his next hit
Smiling like a weasel
Pockets full of passion
Wilson looks at his next session
Brick in hand
Knife in his pocket
Smith is quiet like the night
Wilson rolls away
Panting in pleasure
Looking at the masking tape
Looking around greedily
Smith sees the crime
And sneaks into the tableau
Wilson lies content
On the brink of sleep
About to lose his life
Sara cried in pain
And sighed in relief
At the sight of Wilson's blood
The sheets stained red
As Smith turned the knife
To the ropes
Smith scaled the fence
Of the estate late at night
Smiling like a saint
VCR under his arm
lois: 'Chris, women are not objects!'
peter: 'Your mother's right son, listen to what it says.'
Who's killed Wilson? Smith? Or Sara?
If it's Smith, what's Sara's purpose in the story?
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
As I understand it, Smith, while robbing houses, happened upon Wilson who kidnapped (and presumably raped) Sara, and then killed him. Am I right?
thats it. like i said, it needs a bit of work, i tried to keep it shortish.
lois: 'Chris, women are not objects!'
peter: 'Your mother's right son, listen to what it says.'
I understood it, too. I think it's an excellent story-line and has potential to make a really good song.
I also think it's a great story, and what work needs to be done would only be minor, because I think it was effective the way it was written. I am curious as to what the melody is though.
I'll do my best over the long weekend to record a version of it on my computer and try to quickly make it an mp3 (I think I know how to do that).
I'm not too confident in my ability ATM, the sound card is being difficult.
As for melody, it's quite slow (that's tempo, I know) but it sort of builds to a bit of a climax at the end there... and the under the arm with a VCR bit sort of resolves that tension.
I can't think of any songs or tunes at the moment that you could compare it to, or use as an example (ie. sort of sounds like...)
Also, check out my other one, which is 'The Girl With The Red Car' (sorry for the plug!)
lois: 'Chris, women are not objects!'
peter: 'Your mother's right son, listen to what it says.'
