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Song for someone. (Link to recored song insde)

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(@klangen86)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 45
Topic starter  

Hi everyone. Found this forum today and it inspired me to write a song, something I haven't done in a long time. So I sat down with my guitar and this is what I came up with.
English isn't my native language, so any constructive criticism is welcome.

Verse:

She tries to get close
I'm pushing her away

Never realized what we had
Was more than just a game

Trying to figure out
Why it's always the same

You give me everything
And I throw is all away

I throw is all away

Bridge
A beating heart, it's not broken but it's sore
She pulls me closer
I give her nothing, yet she's coming back for more
She won't let go

Chorus:
Brush the hair off her face
Wipe the tears from here eyes
Said it's all gonna be allright
Let me try and make it right

I'm done hurting you
I'm done playing games
Just wanna hold you in my arms
Just wanna be with you tonight

Verse:
I kiss her neck
Run my hands down her spine

She shivers looking back at me
A distant smile

Didn't realize the things I did
Made your world fall apart

For that I'm truly sorry
But I'm here right now

Yeah I'm here for u now

Bridge
Time stand still when I hold you close to me
The world stops spinning
Let's leave this place together and never look back
It's just you and me now

Chorus:
Brush the hair off her face
Wipe the tears from here eyes
Said it's all gonna be allright
Let me try and make it right

I'm done hurting you
I'm done playing games
Just wanna hold you in my arms
Just wanna be with you tonight

Ps. I realize it's kind of cliché and corny but that's me!


   
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(@klangen86)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 45
Topic starter  

There! completed the lyrics. Only part I'm not quite pleased with is the "Trying to figure out, Why it's always the same" part. The "Trying to figure out" is hard to fit with the strumming and music.


   
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(@klangen86)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 45
Topic starter  

Recorded it now with my headset mic!:)

http://www.box.net/shared/u6qm5729qi

I'm no singing talent but you can hear how the lyrics flow with the music.
I'm really not that pleased with it yet I can't seem to be able to fix it.

Any input is very much appreciated!

Edit: Added a bridge. COuldn't bring my self to record it again with it though!:)


   
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(@raystrack)
Estimable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 123
 

Well , I don't think it's corny and I think you've got a great voice.

I like the grainy guitar tone (mahogany perchance?) and teh chords and pretty much everything.

However, it doesn't gel for me on first hearing because the words are soft and the feel is angry. Perhaps the lyrics about not hurting you are about an alcoholic wife-beater on the steps to recovery? If so, it fits.

Definitely worth working on it.

http://www.raystroud.com
http://www.myspace.com/raystroud


   
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(@klangen86)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 45
Topic starter  

Thanks a lot for the input.

The song was meant to be about a guy who has been treating his girl like crap and everytime she is about to leave him, he does something that makes her stay.
Don't know how to explain it really, but yeah you could say it's a wifebeater, only the punches are all the shitty things the guy in the song does to her.

I should point out though that the guy.... (oh what the hey let's just say its me) doesn't realize that his actions are actually hurting his girl.

Oh and about the guitar. It's a cheap Cort with old strings and I recorded using a cheap headset mic!;)


   
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(@blueline)
Noble Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 1704
 

Good job. I think the tempo you are playing within the verses is too fast. The impact of the tempo change (and strumming pattern) when the chorus comes in would be more dramatic if you slowed down the sown in the verses. Also, because of the tempo in the verses, the lyrics sound a bit sticato.

Slowing down the verses would also better reflect the ups and downs of people in that type of relationship.

Teamwork- A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.


   
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(@klangen86)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 45
Topic starter  

Thanks man! That's good advice actually and your right. One of these days I'll make a new and better recording of it and se what you think, just gotta wait for my damn room mate to go away!:)


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Hi,

English isn't my native language either. I'm an American :lol: :lol: But you did an awesome job and I doubt anyone could tell.

I also agree that you could slow it down, but just a little. Really enjoyed your MP3. Looking forward to hearing more of your work.

Neil


   
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(@klangen86)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 45
Topic starter  

http://www.box.net/shared/lljqt5h2dg

Bought a new mic today and recorded it again. Voice was fucked from a 2 week long cold that just won't go away! Had to lower it half a key.

Hope you like the modifications I made

Edit: This version also includes the bridge


   
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(@bsfah3)
Active Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 5
 

Nice! I wasn't sure about the lyrics when I read them at first but after hearing you play it I really like this song. Good job.


   
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 KR2
(@kr2)
Famed Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 2717
 

I was just going to say the same.
I didn't think I'd like the song based on the lyrics . . .
So I learned not to judge a song by it's lyrics because I liked the song.
Not enough to download and put on my iPod but pretty close.

You might want to post in the Hear Here section of the forum.
That's for sound and video recordings.

Good job. Pleasant voice.

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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