PLease critique, all comments are appreciated
I am not a sinful person
But I am not doing well
Why don't you come and take me
far away from this living hell
We are not the ones to blame this
Two pieces in an empty shell
I created you to please
Your glowing hair and burning eyes
Now that you are my creation you are something I despise
Covet you; possessive
Obsessive and obscene
We are now alone together for all of eternity
Am I the one you wanted?
Does it make you fall apart
to know you're the one to take me
far away from this living hell
Even when you're here for me
You are no where to be found
I created you to please
Your glowing hair and burning eyes
Now that you are my creation you are something I despise
Covet you; possessive
Obsessive and obscene
We are now alone together for all of eternity
A mindless man a soulless lover…
Got Metal?
Dude, you suck. Nah, I'm just f*ckin' with ya. I liked this song a lot better than your other work that I've read. It seems to me that you created someone (or something that you refer to as a person) to take you to somewhere peaceful, but you think it's abandoning you and you're starting to regret creating it. This is what I get out of the song, anyway. Covet you; possessive
Obsessive and obscene
We are now alone together for all of eternityLoved that part. It gave an eery twist to the song. I also liked the first verse's rhyming scheme. Keep it up!!!!!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
