I would burn all the roses

Starts well. Ends well. I think it needs an extra verse in the middle, though.

I'd dump the "Ooooooh" lines - reminds me of The Carpenters, a mid 1970-s schmaltzy pop duo. Karen Carpenter had a superb voice, but she was seriously let down by the number of Ooooh's and Waaaah's in the middle eight.

Best,

A :-)

the "ooooh" lines arnt supposed to be carpenterish, more like the Crash Test Dummies... more like a dark Chant then an "ooooh" haha

I liked this one. Not much to say, so keep it up.

I have to say I thought the same thing as Alan when I first read it. I was thinking Marilyn Manson sings the Carpenters "Close to You". :D

I think it's very well written. You can turn a phrase well. It's very clear this is not your first song. To me though, the tone of the song goes a little past "moody".

I think you're going to creep out 99% of your female audience with this one. (But maybe you're after that other 1%...... :wink: )

Good luck.

It's definately going to creep some people out, but I'm assuming that's what you're going for, so no worries.

As for the ooohs, they're never going to translate well to written lyrics. I typically just leave stuff like that out when posting lyrics simply because the first thing that comes to mind is poppy stuff and it tends to break the mood for people reading even if when put to music it fits perfectly - it's really more instrumentation than lyric.

good job
:) Portia

thanks for the input. no its not my first song, and this isnt something I play to every woman.... just one

Hey there

I like it the ooooo's give a nice sensual feeling to the piece romantic feel for me and I'm sure the lady you sing it to would be very impressed by the deep and meaningful lyrics .

This is just beautiful :

I would give up my soul
for the taste of your sin
I would burn all the roses
to feel your teeth peirce my skin
I would take on the fever
Once your touch sets in
your evilness surrounds me
The walls are caving in

I'm a fairly old bloke but I still a love song has to have a meesage behind it , and blind freddy can see what you are saying inthis piece .

so well done good job :wink:

cheers

L.K :arrow:

thanks alot. yeah the ooohs are there really just so i dont forget em lol. If you understand the feeling and mood behind the song they go well with it. I guess the rest of you would have to hear it to understand.