Here is my third song, called Story of Woe, I dont think that this is the best out of the three but let me know what you think and any improvements would be appreciated, im thinking of this song being slow/heavy, but im not sure just yet. It starts off with a vocal intro then goes into the main song.
To many times have you stood before me
Lying through your teeth,
Thinking of some other guy
That you cant wait to meet
I can't seem to think about it
And nothing comes to me
You act like you don't know about it,
And this I can plainly see
People have told me what I cant see,
Im trapped in these circles of misery,
Nothing seems perfect not you and me,
Theres just no such thing as simplicity,
Wondering what happened…
My life gets saddened…
Don't you ever come back to me,
Because you ruined just what ‘might have been'
So I won't be running to you and see
What a life is without me
I dedicate this knife to you
To solve the pain you put me through
And hope it stabs away my woes
As my heart begins to throw
Wondering what happened…
My life gets saddened…
I'm loving the theme you develop through the song, culminating in an act of revenge that ultimately leaves it worse off..... My only suggestion is that your verses seem to be inconsistant in length, and a little 'heavy' in content. But thats just my view!
hi
Just agreeing with 10141748 on the length of some lines ...
May I be so bold to to say how I would have done this please take no offence this is just my opinion , as I am no prolific writter myself .......
you have :
People have told me what I cant see,
Im trapped in these circles of misery,
Nothing seems perfect not you and me,
Theres just no such thing as simplicity,
Wondering what happened…
My life gets saddened…
..........................................
my suggestion :
Tell me what I can not see
Trapped in circles of misery
Perfect is not you and me
No such thing as simplicity
Wondering what happened ..
My life is .......saddened
Hope I have not angered you or upset you just my thoughts
hilch
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
yeah thanks you two i think i'l 'borrow' your idea about that verse hilch
