untitled song, haven't been here in a while,plz critique

I quite like it, it seems to be in your style and about you which is a good way to write.

I liked some of your poetry e.g. "Cuz I'm not your boomerang,
I'm not flyin back anymore". And there are some other good phrases which seem to fit the topic.

Seems to have good rythm as well which is useful for the reader

Keep it up!

thankies (I know it's cutesy to say that but I don't care right now) :oops: :roll: :shock: (I love the shock face:)

hello....is anybody home....is anybody posting.....PLEASE REPLY, I'M BOOOORRREEEDDDEDEDEDEEDDDEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!Aggggghhhhhhhhh! (not to be pushy) :wink: :x :twisted: :shock: 8)

I liked this a lot ... the flow of it is great except for

"What is it your tryin to avoid,
Think you fell, broke your head again "

it seems the second line of that should entail what they are "tryin to avoid"

this is just and example to understand what I mean:
What is it your tryin to avoid,
fallin and breaking your head again?

just a sugegstion....other than that I think it is great! looking forward to reading somemore of your stuff!

thanx i didn't think of that, that's cool :P :shock: (i love the shocky face) tehehehe

I have just posted at least fourteen replies to other people's stuff, somebody plz reply before I go mad, nutters, insane, ballistic, need I ellaborate more??? :shock: :arrow: phew, anyways plz post critiques

I like the imagery and wording, but I'm not exactly sure of the overall meaning of the song. It's obviously a song about breaking up, but I can't tell who broke up with whom. When you say you won't go back, it seems like she broke up with you but now she wants you back. But other sections hint that you gave her the "lets just be friends" routine. I'm kinda confused. Great song though.

-Casey

i really like this piece. it seems that everyone can recall a time like the one mentioned in the piece. the lines are very poetic especially the boomerang phrase [which i know was mentioned already]. also reading through it i could put little bits of music to it .. the way that it was written which was fun. lol. also as i read through it, i could think of possible titles considering this is, as of now, untitled. i just had small ideas; don't blame/hate me, avoiding, nice until it ends. just small pieces of the lyrics. but i did like the overall idea and meaning of the song. rock on and good luck with future pieces!

*hailey*

I like the song and the message, it flows nicely, I'd like to hear it put to music

thank you all, there are some good ideas so far, always lookin for more, and just so you know, this isn't about a she, it's about a he, cuz I'm a girl and don't go "that way", but I understand why at least one of you thought that, songs have different meaning to different people, and yes it's about a breakup with an old friend of mine, and afterwards, just trying to be friends and hang out, he keeps avoiding me all the time and giving me lame excuses for blowing me off, there are some good ideas for song titles, flow/meter, etc. keep em' coming thanx :D :shock: i love that face :shock:

I am soooooooooo bored, don't you people reply to anything!!!!!! I could wait a week and not get a reply!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Urgh....plz reply, i'm going nuts :evil: :!: :( :shock: :D

overall I think u have written a good song which is let down by a flat ending after the bridge. dont underestimate the importance of a good conclusion

thanks, yeah, I know the endings lame to me to and I wrote it! I need a conclusion with conclusion, but I don't have a conclusion yet, I'm still going through what I'm writing about, but maybe I can think a good one up...hmmm.... :idea: get back to ya on that one....thanx

Whoops! Sorry about that dragona, I'm not quite sure why I assumed you were a guy. No offense intended. :oops: