when will i ever wake up from this dream?
ill forget what i thought,where i am and where ive been
but i hope when i wake up ill see you again
your the only thing ill remember when i get out of bed..
{chorus}
when i am sleeping i see only you
feels like a dream but yet feels so true
nightmares are times when you are not there
alone..asleep this just isnt fair.
im awake now my baby and you are right here
were lying here together and ive lost all my fears
this little dreamworld has been left behind
but im sure ill be back when i fall asleep next time..
{chorus}
when i am sleeping i see only you
feels like a dream but yet feels so true
nightmares are times when you are not there
alone..asleep this just isnt fair.
needs a bit of work and its not long enough yet but im working on it....
please reply and criticise or compliment....thanks
"people laugh at me because im different...i pity you..because your all the same"
Reads well enough - the last line of each verse scans a touch longer than the other three, but I presume that was intentional......
OK, you've got two verses and one (repeated) chorus - perhaps a bridge making a point about the difference between the wakeful and sleepy states might help...after the second chorus...
Something I just noticed - the first chorus follows a verse about sleeping, the second chorus follows a verse where you're awake....perhaps if you changed the first line of the second chorus accordingly, ie
"when i am sleeping i see only you"
to
"when i'm awake i see only you" or "when i am awake i see only you"
(whichever fits the rhythm best)
So come on Gaz, get it finished!!!
:) :) :)
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
vic pointed out some good ones. nice work overall gaz. add your finishing touch to it :)
when will i ever wake up from this dream?
ill forget what i thought,where i am and where ive been
nice opening man!
and while i was reading this i started humming a tune for it in my mind! so good job there :wink:
thanks for the reply guys,i kinda like short n sweet songs but the advice is really appreciated.... cheers :)
"people laugh at me because im different...i pity you..because your all the same"
