This is a quick song I wrote when I got home from University today. I won't spoil it by telling you all what it's about, you'll pick that up from reading the lyrics (I hope!)
When Your Eyes Meet...
When your eyes meet
Accross the street
And your stomach falls
When her voice
Reaches out to you
And you hear her calls
When she strides
Accross the street
With her arms outreaching
Places them
Around your chest
A feeling that is fleeting
If only this were the first time
That you and her had met
You could have told her how you felt
That at her beauty you wept
She asks you
"How have you been"
You reply "I'm good"
You be polite
Ask her the same
She replies "Yeah, good"
An awkward silence
Falls over you both
You wonder what to say
She waves to friends
Says "See you later"
Turns and walks away
If only this were the first time
That you and her had met
You could have told her how you felt
That at her beauty you wept
If only that was the first time
That you and her had spoken
You could have made up some excuse
Avoided getting your heart broken
If only that was the first time
You had seen her walk away
'Cept you can't forget, 5 months ago
When she did the very same
Thoughts/Comments/Criticisms welcomed as always.
Pete
ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"
love it except for the line
that at her beauty you wept
it's extraneous and forced. the rest is way cool.
as thoreau said
simplify, simplify, simplify.
cheers
gram99
"Nothing happens until something moves."
Albert Einstein
I agree with gram99. Great song except for that line. I read somewhere that you should never write something in a song a way that you wouldn't actually say it, and it mentioned in specific that whole flipping around the sentence structure thing. You know, try to say it a way you would actually say it, and it won't sound forced. Think of something that you would actually say, not just for a rhyme. There will be something.
The song, as a whole, though, is awesome. I love it.
Pretty good song Pete - didn't you mention somewhere it seemed to be your week for bumping into exes? Ah well, at least you got a good song out of it! (Once the above-mentioned line is sorted out.....)
I'm hearing slow and fingerpicked in my head.....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
