Another new song. It's still fresh and a little un-worked, but I need to get it down before I start losing pieces. A little wordy, it might seem, but one might note that that's because the chorus is re-written because it changes slightly the second time around. And of course, the repetition at the end. I would love comments, advice, anything, really.
Yesterday's rain
I shouldn't claim to know the answers
As I'm sitting here, eyes to the window
Out there's a gray-silver sky
And the wind is tossing people's hair and jackets
And the world is green from yesterday's rain
I feel lost
Chorus:
It's a beautiful day
Other side of the glass
But I don't want to
Be out there in the cold
Be out there in the rain
And it's a beautiful life
On the wrong side of the glass
But I'm alone and it's getting dark
Please don't leave me out here in the cold and rain
I don't claim to know the answers
Looking out the window, dreaming I'm not alone
The rain pounds the blacktop and concrete
And glistens on a world of hope and possibility
And I'm starting to see through the haze of yesterday's rain
Bridge:
It's beautiful
Out here in the storm
How could anyone want more
But it's cold
And I'm starting to shake
I feel washed away
Chorus:
It's a beautiful day
Other side of the glass
But I don't want to be
Out there in the cold and rain
And it's a beautiful life
On the wrong side of the glass
But I'm alone and it's getting dark
Please don't leave me out here in the cold and rain
It's a beautiful life
On the wrong side of the glass
I'm alone and it's getting dark
Don't leave me out here in the rain
It's a beautiful life
But it's getting dark
Please let me come in out of the rain
It's a beautiful life...
Don't leave me out in the rain...
yeah, I've got some new work to do on it. I'll repost when I think it's getting close to being done.
Seems I'm horribly stuck. I guess the metaphor is a little too much for me. Or I've got writer's block, or something. The short version: it could be a long while before I come up with anything. Comment if you'd like, and I'll try to read them, but...yeah.... Writer's block. Ever the scapegoat. Sounds like a good excuse. On the other hand, I might have it re-worked tomorrow. *shrugs*
iv got writers block too... :cry:
i wrote 16 songs in a year...and 1 song in the last 4 months :?
its depressing and hugely annoying isnt it!! when you get one line that you think, wow! im gonna run with that! and you sit there and no more lines come...
*violins start playing sob tunes in background*
:lol:
good song. i like the metaphor. but you seem to switch sides of the glass too abruptly.
like here:
It's a beautiful day
Other side of the glass
But I don't want to
Be out there in the cold
Be out there in the rain
And it's a beautiful life
On the wrong side of the glass
But I'm alone and it's getting dark
Please don't leave me out here in the cold and rain
that sorta confuses the position (which side of the glass) you're tryna portray.
i think if you are tryna decribe both sides then you should develop both equally (you're leaning towards the outside).
detail the inside more. list the pros and cons (namely, why it's such a "beautiful life")
i'd like to know what the overlying theme is. i think it's about deciding whether or not to risk a sure thing (like a stable lifestyle) for something better, or true happiness. am i close?
Yes!!! That's it!! I don't know for sure, as I haven't worked with it yet, but I think that iswhy I'm getting lost in the metaphor and can't seem to make it work! I need to develope the other side more! Thank you! *very exuberant*
And, by the way, yeah, that is more or less the message I was going for. i think it's about deciding whether or not to risk a sure thing (like a stable lifestyle) for something better, or true happiness.
Needs a lot of work, but I think that's the problem I was having, why I was stuck. Thanks again.
no problem. great metaphor.
