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White Feather

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 spug
(@spug)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 26
Topic starter  

I wrote this song after reading the book Marine Sniper. It's basically just a song about what his feelings could have been after the war. Any thoughts or critiques would be appreciated.

White Feather

I have nothing left to say to you and..
I have nothing left to do here anymore
I have given my life for you and
I just want to rest in peace

No matter what it takes, I always did what I had to
Should of died in the elements I lived in
Should of died from the bounty on my head.
I am nothing more than the unknown
Killer hidden in the shadows of the forest
U can't see me but I see you, white feather in the sun standing right behind you

I have nothing left to say to you and..
I have nothing left to do here anymore
I have given my life for you and
I just want to rest in peace

Your people plague my world
You're nothing more than ants on the sidewalk
First one, then two, then 3 go down then 90 more falling in line
Use your best to defeat me
I am the unbeatable
Only the gods themselves can take me down
Once the trigger sounds, you find yourself staring at the ground.

I am the ghost of your past
Fading memories that last
I am the ghost of your friends demise
Look behind you , your gonna die

You can't catch what you can't see, You can't find your enemy( 2x)
Enemy
Enemy
Enemy

I have nothing left to say to you and..
I have nothing left to do here anymore
I have given my life for you and
I just want to rest in peace.

Rest in pieces
Nevermore
Rest in pieces
You… tragedy

Got Metal?


   
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(@pierson)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 367
 

You already know I like the song, but one sentence doesn't fit to me and just sounds like a line to fill the empty space.
I have given my life for you and
This doesn't seem to fit with the other words you are using. It condtradicts your message.

I have nothing left to say to you and..
I have nothing left to do here anymore
I have one bullet for you and
I just want to rest in peace

This line fits better. You could probably also try

"I have won, the job is done and"

Just try something that won't contradict yourself.
Good song, though. Keep it up!

There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!


   
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