1/15 Joseph and His Vacant Heart with MP3 added 2/15

Hi John,

This is certainly a dark one. It reminds me a bit of a character from American Beauty that killed the main character.

Is this is the chorus?
He does what he does everyday
He thinks that God’s too far away
I can't tell. It doesn't seem to relate to the title.

Consider looking at the song again through the metaphor of a vacant hotel room. Just describe a vacant hotel room literally with sensory details then see if any of the words or lines can fit these lyrics to describe the character/mood.

Kudos for the effort on exploring difficult subject matters :D

James

Thanks for reading and commenting. Yes that is the chorus. And yes, a very dark subject. I originally was going to do a song of Dorian Gray looking on his portrait but couldn't get the "friend of Dorian" idea out of my head. Dorian didn't have any friends that were aware of his portrait. I decided to write an original instead

The "cell phone set on silent in a glove box with a gun and a magazine with photographs of boys" paints a totally reprehensible picture. Why would a cell phone be on silent rather than shut off in a glove box? Is he waiting for a call or message? He apparently doesn't want his family to know about the phone. Why a gun? Is he planning a robbery, a murder, or other illegal activity? The magazine...... the listener jumps to the assumption that he is a pervert. No further explanation is offered in the song intentionally. This is a furtive character, full of self loathing, fear and shame,
Why the empty heart? See third verse

"He does what he does everyday" The cocking of the gun is ritualistic, this is an individual that does things obsessively and compulsively, He does not think he will ever change. See fourth verse

The bullet that fills the empty heart is the resolution. This is one of those songs that wrote itself. Once I started on it, it just flowed out. It is so dark though, I'll never perform it. I might record it and put it in my "Beging For Change" file.

There are no hotel rooms in the song.

There are no hotel rooms in the song.
Yes, thanks for the explanation; I was getting all those ideas in the read.

However, I'm wondering if the title should change......In other words, I don't think the lines support the title; especially with the title not in the song..........I think we've all done it from time to time.......start off with one idea but switch to another.........

........hotel is the first word I think of when I see/hear the word "vacant"; next word(s) would probably be airplane toilet......so what I am getting at, and it might be more personal opinion, is we can/should use images to support a main idea in a song.......after the read, I'd say the title could be "Joseph and His Suicidal Heart"

.........just $.02

There are no hotel rooms in the song.
Yes, thanks for the explanation; I was getting all those ideas in the read.

However, I'm wondering if the title should change......In other words, I don't think the lines support the title; especially with the title not in the song..........I think we've all done it from time to time.......start off with one idea but switch to another.........

........hotel is the first word I think of when I see/hear the word "vacant"; next word(s) would probably be airplane toilet......so what I am getting at, and it might be more personal opinion, is we can/should use images to support a main idea in a song.......after the read, I'd say the title could be "Joseph and His Suicidal Heart"

.........just $.02
I wouldn't want "Suicidal" in the title because the listener is not sure where it is going till the last verse. Perhaps "Empty Heart" would have been better. Vacant just felt better at the time I wrote it down, and it is the description I use in the first verse. I didn't want to repeat the same last line for each verse so I used variations in the other verses

emptiness
desolate
abandoned
shadow
empty

When my thesaurus ran out, I knew the song had to end.

No melody, no music, no rhyme except in the chorus. Just a sad story. I think the story would benefit from placing the second verse later in the song, maybe swapping it with verse five. But leaving verse two where it is makes the reader wonder what the gun is for during the rest of the song.

No melody, no music, no rhyme except in the chorus. Just a sad story. I think the story would benefit from placing the second verse later in the song, maybe swapping it with verse five. But leaving verse two where it is makes the reader wonder what the gun is for during the rest of the song.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Music melody and chords is in rough draft form at the current time. My recording area is in my office and I don't have time set aside for it when we have business. I'm debating between Key of Bm and Dm. Chorus changes to the key of C. It may start in Bm, change to Dm later in the song.
There is rhyme, .Boys / noise unnamed / change (a stretch, it's true) wife / life and, of course, heart heart heart heart

Hi MrE,

I think you did well on this sensitive subject, for me the cycle of abuse is clear. Interesting that James alluded to American Beauty as that was my first thought as well, especially with the last line. In my mind he didn't pull the trigger at all, he was shot by someone else his second wife maybe. I wonder how many people shoot themselves through the heart when they commit suicide, Id go for the head if it was me.
I think Id be inclined to change the title though to "Joseph and his empty heart".

cheers

Paul

Hi MrE,

I think you did well on this sensitive subject, for me the cycle of abuse is clear. Interesting that James alluded to American Beauty as that was my first thought as well, especially with the last line. In my mind he didn't pull the trigger at all, he was shot by someone else his second wife maybe. I wonder how many people shoot themselves through the heart when they commit suicide, Id go for the head if it was me.
I think Id be inclined to change the title though to "Joseph and his empty heart".

cheers

Paul
Thanks for reading and commenting on this. From what I know of abused and abusive people, they want the world to know they hurt but they express their pain through cutting themselves, food addiction, alcohol or drug addiction, and staying depressed to the edge of suicide Some exhibit sociopathic behaviors. I wanted to paint a portrait of a reprehensible character in a sympathetic way.
I agree that a bullet filling the empty heart is not a practical way to commit suicide. I just liked the idea of the bullet filling the emptiness.

While I have seen "American Beauty" I don't remember how the plot went.

I put together a very rough recording. I doubt that I will ever revisit it unless it gets requested. It was an experiment in a very touchy subject. I also experimented with key changes that are IMHO quite awkward.
Rather than change the name of the song, I changed the last line. There are a few other minor edits to the lyric as well.

BTW: I don't think the guy in the song ever actually pulls the trigger. "He does what he does everyday."

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12168827

There’s a cell phone thats on silent in the glove box, with a gun
and a magazine with photographs of boys. Joseph can’t tell anyone
Of the vacant place in his heart

At 3AM he goes out to the car, cocks the gun
He barely notices the noise. No one could ever know
The emptiness in his heart

He does what he does everyday
He thinks that God’s too far away

A brief moment of his childhood in the basement of a friend
An Uncle who remains unnamed. It can never be revealed
It’s desolate in his heart

He’d be a pilot on a journey to a planet out in space
If he thought there was a chance to change. Maybe some creature there
Could see his abandoned heart

Chorus

He’s married; he has children, a church a home a job
Ten years with his second wife. The first one almost saw the shadow
That hovers over his heart

Afraid to show himself, afraid to cry out loud
He thinks that he must end his life. The world could see his pain
When a bullet fills his vacant heart

Hi John,

Kudos for the experimenting :mrgreen:

I'd have to say this one would have to grow on me, but there are "moments" that seem to come together........
I think you put together some vivid details in different parts of the song.

........I still say you learn something new from every song you write and record.....What were your insights on this one? You can always reuse the bits that work in other projects.

Thanks for sharing :D

James

Thanks for listening and commenting. If I get some time, I'll redo it without the 6 key changes. I'll also get rid of the pizzicatto sounds and add better instruments. I don't know what got into me to have key changes between each verse.

Hi MrE,

I liked the mp3 thanks for doing it :D .
I'll redo it without the 6 key changes.

Actually I liked the key changes, in a musiclly sparse song like this I think they add interest

cheers

Paul