An eternal memory (year 5 week 2)

Barabus,

What did you do with my friend Hilch? I bet your hiding
him in that stinking Bat Cave aren't you?

Anyways back to the song. Good Job! I think Peter made some
very good suggestion.The chorus is rather short and so are the
versres. Maybe you could think about expanding on the verses
a bit to add more contrast but what you have is fine.

John

Thanks Peter and John

John : I know the verses and chorus are a tad short but this time out I wanted to concentrate on my meters and rhyme thingy you know
AA/BB/CC stuff ... My last song I tried for imagery and meters and it didn't come out too well after I edited and edited still not completly happy with the other one , and this one could do with some imagery but I am working on all these aspects of writing ..For me if I just write my songs in my book and not post what I have I won't know where I am going wrong so I post get feed back and work on what was lacking ...can I say I just went back August 9 2005 I posted my first song here and I am a bit embarressed by what I read ..So bear with me as the next few weeks my songs may bit a bit short as I am concentrating on a particular area of writing ..

Peter :"radiating from you and me" thats' a very good line mate thanks I like the Embracing line you offered as well that is what I love about SSG people are always offering ideas and are so helpful ..

Cheers
Trev..

Hey Trev,

With the couple of pointers mentioned above, ths is shaping up pretty well.....

Sometimes short verses work well, I can see this as a kind of raunchy 12 bar blues with plenty of solos - short verses doesn't necessarily mean a short song.

It's always interesting to look back and see one's progress - I started back in year 2, week 32, and on that same page are songs by Marvellous Optimist, Jamir, Straycat (The Artist Formerly Known As BlueNightAngel - is there anyone who hasn't changed their name lately????) Olav, Scratchmonkey, Alan Green, and even a rare sighting of Bob hisself!

Couple of years time, you'll be wondering what you ever thought was difficult about this songwriting lark....well, that's not strictly true, but with practise, you'll find your songwriting skills are sharper, you'll struggle less with meter and rhyme, and you'll be finding new and interesting ways to say the same old things. You'll notice things subconsciously and file them away for future reference, both your lyrical and chord vocabularies will expand, and you'll find your mind wandering, working out where you can fit that phrase you just heard someone say into your latest song....

So keep writing, my friend, I can see a big improvement from when you started writing......part of that's down to your attitude, you know you're not the greatest songwriter of all time - yet - but you're working on it, and your attitude to criticism is laudable - you make mistakes, but you learn from them....

:D :D :D

Vic

Thanks Vic

I could say something about who found out how to do it and who told who how to do it but secrets are screts ...Like Sargent Schultz of Hogans Heros once famously said , " I know Nothing " ... :lol: :lol: :lol: .....

There is a syaing in OZ { not sure about the rest of the world } a change is better than a holiday and since I can't get holidays :lol: :lol: :lol:

I like this one as it { the song } to me takes me somewhere ..

Thanks for continued support and encouragement

Trev...