"Dancer" is only a working title yet...
Inspired by Twisted Finger's post....I thought I'd try and write a country song, this'll be my first ever attempt at that particular genre....
I've enjoyed writing this, it's been fun....I'm going to sort out the chords in the morning, I'll try and post a strum pattern as well....
Anyway, for better or worse, here it is....it may make more sense when I sort the chords out, but trust me, some lines may not seem to fit, but they do....
There's a change of key between the first four (long) lines and the next four (shorter) lines....think of the short lines as a chorus, starting with the fifth of the starting chord of the verse...
Dancer....
I saw you dancing a slow waltz, leaning on some sleazy guy,
You looked as if if you were somewhere else, when I caught your eye.
I made my way 'cross the dance floor, passed the DJ on the way,
Asked him to play an old country song, I could't dance but I sure could sway....
We danced all night, and it felt so right,
We danced damn near till dawn,
I hadn't been living, existing maybe,
With you, I felt reborn.
We got married soon after, I knew you were right for me,
The first time I saw you dancing, you captivated me.
But you just wanted go out, this house was never a home,
So I watched the sports on the TV, just me and a beer all alone
You danced all night, came home at dawn,
Kissed some guy goodnight at the door,
Slept on the sofa, you said there's no hope fer,
You and me any more.
(Guitar solo)
Now you're still out there dancing, every night on my alimony,
You don't care who you dance with, as long it isn't me.
And the guys all watch you rocking, hormones all over the floor,
When the one who loves you sits home all alone, just wishing to see you once more.
You danced all over my feelings,
You tarantella'd my head,
You two-stepped all over my life,
But I'll dance all over your grave when you're dead,
Yes I'll dance on your grave when you're dead.
I'll dance all over your grave when you're dead,
Yes I'll dance on your grave when you're dead!
Like I said, this is my first attempt at a country song....so please be gentle with me!!!!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Good stuff THere Vic. Can I get a copy I have a couple ex wives that need a present. :D
I'll wait for the chords before I make any judgements on meter.
I can hear it, but a couple of the longer lines aren't working for me at the moment. So again I'll wait for the chords to post a more in dpeth critique.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- "WOW--What a Ride!"
Hey Vic,
Yup, that's country all right! Ordinarily that wouldn't be much of compliment coming from me, but since that's what you were going for, great job. :) I especially like how you pull it out of the country cliche at the end with the "dancing on your grave" part.
There are just two lines that I'd have to hear before I'm convinced that they won't come off a little on the corny side, and they are:
We danced all night, and it felt so right
and
The first time I saw you dancing, you captivated me.
Looking forward to hearing it.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Hi Vic,
At first I didn't the words "sweaty guy" but as I read on it felt
more in tune with the rest of the song. Although you still might
think of changing "sweaty" only because it comes early in the
song and could tend to be a bit of a turn off. Sleazy comes to
mind. Other than that you wrote a good country song which I
hope you record so we can hear it.
In some ways I think I may have written about the same "Dancer"
in my song this week.
John
Chilling stuff. 8) Beautifully told, with some great lines.
Could cause the pub to divide into two camps and start tipping beer all over each other when you test this one out.... Get pictures.. :shock: :shock:
Although you still might think of changing "sweaty" only because it comes early in the song and could tend to be a bit of a turn off.
I agree.
Beautifully told
I agree.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Thanks John...."sleazy" works a lot better than "Sweaty".....changing it NOW!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Chris C said:
"Could cause the pub to divide into two camps...."
I doubt it, unless the particular ex-wife this was written about (well not exactly, but with hindsight seems to fit.....) calls into the pub....pretty unlikely, she never liked guitar music, never liked me playing guitar, and on a scale of 1-10 gave me minus 8 in terms of encouragement...I'm very lucky to be with my Marilyn, who always listens, always has some constructive criticism, and ALWAYS encourages....even comes to the pub every tuesday to listen, after the bingo....what a woman!!!!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Yep, Thats country :D Every thing fits ok to me and its got a great story to it, and thats imortant to a C&W song IMHO. It ought to be good Buckeroo!!! Now we need to get you riding the mechanical bull :twisted: --the dog
hey vic
I agree with slow play agreeing with chris :D
it's a great song, no worries about the metre and stuff, I trust you to have it all sorted out.
I especially like these:
I could't dance but I sure could sway.... been there, done that... :wink:
You danced all over my feelings,
You tarantella'd my head,
You two-stepped all over my life,
But I'll dance all over your grave when you're dead,
know what? I, too have a line about dancing on somebody's grave somewhere in my fragments file, oh I think I even used it in some song... anyways i thought it was funny you thought of the same thing:) works really well with your song.
like it a lot, vic:)
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Great lyrics, thought this line was brilliant:
You tarantella'd my head
Good job!
Dancer....
I saw you dancing a slow waltz, leaning on some sleazy guy,
You looked as if if you were somewhere else, when I caught your eye.
I made my way 'cross the dance floor, passed the DJ on the way,
Asked him to play an old country song, I could't dance but I sure could sway....
That was my favorite part. I could really picture that.
We danced all night, and it felt so right,
We danced darn near till dawn,
I hadn't been living, existing maybe,
With you, I felt reborn.
The first line may be cliche, but I think it fits with a Country tune.
We got married soon after, I knew you were right for me,
The first time I saw you dancing, you captivated me.
But you just wanted go out, this house was never a home,
So I watched the sports on the TV, just me and a beer all alone
Just forgot the "to" in there, but I didn't mind the captivated line. Again, it's Country.
You danced all night, came home at dawn,
Kissed some guy goodnight at the door,
Slept on the sofa, you said there's no hope fer,
You and me any more.
Just a thought, maybe you could change line 2 to:
"Kissed some sleazy guy at the door."
And maybe, "Showed me the sofa," or something, 'cause we typically get the short end of the stick when it comes to sleeping arrangements? But I don't know, I don't have any ex-wives, so....
(Guitar solo)
Now you're still out there dancing, every night on my alimony,
Great.
You don't care who you dance with, as long it isn't me.
Whoa, no ex-wives, but I can relate to that line. That's great.
And the guys all watch you rocking, hormones all over the floor,
When the one who loves you sits home all alone, just wishing to see you once more.
This was nice, but I pictured this poor guy pining for his girl, then suddenly he was talking about dancing on her grave--not exactly a conundrum--it just seemed a bit sudden. Maybe just for me. Then again, it's Country.
All in all, I liked it. Thanks for the read, Vic.
