i wrote this in five minutes when i saw the assignment. i know it's full of cliches, etc....
it's like the end of summer, this love
and fall is gold
it was spring not too long ago
and green was the color
and all that came with it
i painted green birds and green flowers
there was wide open space
green gave way to bright long silver days
with pink and red flowers
our love were never ending
the days were bright as the stars
the air was free
its the end of summer
and fall is gold
This is very pretty, and I sure it will be something figerpicked, right?
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
sure.
i guess.
I have no idea!!!
It may have some cliches in it, but it's an interesting arrangement of cliches. I like the imagery of spring with the "i painted green birds and green flowers" line and especially like "the days were as bright as the stars" line. I also like the brevity of this, how it's over before you even know it. Sort of what Bob was hoping for, I think.
Some of it, though, just doesn't work for me and I'm not really sure why. The last lines of the two middle stanzas ("There was wide open space" and "The air was free") come out of nowhere and don't seem to connect well. While the rest may be a free association of images, they all seem to flow nicely together but these lines don't. Maybe it's me...
This was cool and I'm looking forward to more.
Peace
i think you're right about the last two lines. i'll probably take them out.
thanks for the reply...
Not sure I'd say take them out as much as give a try at reworking them. If I get the chance, I'll try my hand at something.
Peace
Pearl,
Nice to see you're taking the plunge into songwriting.
Not bad for a 5 minute first effort.
David mentioned the weak lines in the first and that is about
all I see. I like the second verse fine the way it is and the way
you bring the intro back at the end works well.
Hope to see more.
John
Hi Pearl
Definitely a good start here - the two lines that David mentions just need to act as a closing line to the verse - something about spring and something about summer respectively. No need to just discard them.
Cliches abound but not as blatantly as you may think - works well.
Good stuff
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
