Is that your {Prefered Lie} WEEK 32

Hey Trev,

Nice work. I've got to confess that I'm not up on my sports lingo, but I'm assuming that "preferred lie" is a football term? Is there any significance that I might miss beyond the pun? ( I may be slow, but at least I didn't call it soccer. )

I liked the line "I m at a loss Im totally lost". They way I hear it, it works great. I also like the duet approach to the chorus. Maybe consider expanding your partner's role in the signing if you ever think you might record it.

The one part I didn't get is in the third verse you bring society in. I wasn't sure how that fit in with the song about two people, but then again, I'm not familiar with the phrase involving the dollar signs :).

Keep it up.

The society verse just relates to society now days ..

50 years ago marriages lasted 50 years ok ok there were bad abusive husbands and women felt they could not leave ect ect ....

But there were also happy marriages as well , this was a reflexion of the happy marriages ..

The second line realtes to all the things why marriages fail :

Pushing the envelope = how far can someone be pushed ?

Taking the pi$$ = the mods won't allow my word ..taking the pIS$
is like someone giving you the $hits ...

$=S ...

Prefered Lie = golfing term , I play a very little golf and don't know myself but I used it as a run in to my chorus ..

Last line of 1st verse says
Don't tell me its' not you its me

Opening line of next vocal =reads Is that your prefered lie ?
So it flows along the same story ..

I hope this has cleared things or probably made them more muddier

Trev

Nice work, Trevor.

First verse, second line, I'd leave out the word "ever."

I like:
Don't tell me it's not you it's me.

Probably a lot of people have heard that--or said it. Just a suggestion on the second verse that might give it more impact:

Is that your preferred lie
Well I'm not just another guy

or

Yeah, that's your preferred lie
But I'm not just another guy (or am I)

and:
Life was rolling along
honey what went wrong
I'm at a loss, I'm totally lost
And now you're colder than any frost

Looking forward to hearing it.

Song itself's pretty good - I like the way the first verse leads into the chorus, and I like the way you've gone for a different style of chorus.

"I'm at a loss Im totally lost" - looks like a bit of unnecessary repetition at first, but thinking about it I wouldn't change it - sort of gives a sense of desperation and futility. It'd depend how the words were stressed when sung.

Only thing I'm disappointed with - oh, cool title, BTW, nice play on words! - you could have extended the golfing metaphors a little. "Feeling below par," "In the rough" "wood" "iron" - I'm guessing that's because you went for the serious rather than the light-hearted approach.

Nice job Trev!

:D :D :D

Vic

Thanks for the feed back everyone

Vic : Desperation is exactly what I was looking for in that verse a real climatic sense of loss , I had some others written down such as

Caddie : but could only come up with " I'm sick of being your caddie which is the opposite of what the song is about ..

Fairway : I had " Now you have taken the free way I might take the fair way ..

Rough: I had " I didn't realise my looks were so rough ...

And just counting here 6 other terms such as Birdie , Eagle , Drive / Driver / , Boggie , Par , handi cap ,

But could only make up little joke lines such as :
my handi cap is the way my hips swing

Joe : Thanks for your thoughts but I am asking in response to the previous line
Don't tell me it's not you it's me
Am I just another guy you have used that on ? and is this your best lie ?
Do you see where I am going with that Joe ?

Thanks for the feed back appreciated

Trev..

Wow I didn't notice before

Vic ,

Are you sure there isn't anything you missed in your post ?

Or did I get it right ?

I am asking have I lifted the bar in my writting now ?

Trev

Wow I didn't notice before

Vic ,

Are you sure there isn't anything you missed in your post ?

Or did I get it right ?

I am asking have I lifted the bar in my writting now ?

Trev

Well now that you mention it, Trev, there are a few things......

LOL just joking mate, there's an old saying: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"......yes, your writing's improving steadily; you're well past the stage of just putting down the first cliche that comes to mind, you're THINKING about what you want to say, how you want to get your point across, and you're thinking like a musician - "how do I put a tune to this..."

Proof of that is in what you left out - you looked at other sporting terms, couldn't fit them into the mood of the song, so decided (wisely, IMO) to leave them out.

Anyway I'm a fine one to criticise - the writing side of my brain seems to have seized up completely....still nothing for this week other than a few random lines I've jotted down. Sometimes the muse takes you, sometimes it doesn't - at the moment, my muse must think I've got some horrible contagious plague, she's staying well away......

:D :D :D

Vic

Yeah, I got what you meant, which is why I suggested that? Maybe it's just the way I think, but in my head would come the question--"What? Am I just like all the others?" But then pride--or maybe denial--would seep in, and what would come out would be, "Hey! I'm not just any other guy!" But maybe that's just me. Either way, I like the song, so do whatever works for you. Great job.