Making Noise ( week 26 ) with a rough MP3

thanks pete

Hmm, now where's that "vomit" emoticon ... :lol:

Ok, once I got over the romancy schmancy theme, it's actually pretty good. And two songs in one day?? Mate, you're a machine ... obviously a very tender, romantic machine :P ... but a machine nonetheless.

Sorry mate, couldn't resist. Takes guts to write (and post) a song like this!

Well done. 8)

Well I think thanks Bennett for at least being honest .. :lol: :lol:

Like I said I always wanted to have a go at it
( I reckon females write love songs under different names because it's bloody hard )

Im not much of a romantic - I forget Valentines day Birthdays Wedding Aniveraries ..

Put the footy on and a slab of booze that's me :lol: :lol:

I am pretty happy with it though for a first attempt and not really knowing what to actually say , I know naming certain parts of the body would not be the right thing to do . But that's about it ...

All sorts of things came to mind such as eyes blue as the sea , lips so sweet to kiss , but how do you put it in a song ????????

I hope it didn't make you or anyone else feel too sick :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hilch :?:

Hi again hilch :)

First of all, congrats on the Fender. Second, when your muse is good to you, it's best to get it out. Those bursts of sudden inspirationare euphoric (at least to me), I hope they continue for you. I wrote a song about a rabbit and a frog yesterday in 15 minutes, best part of the whole day!

But off to the lyrics we go!
I must say I agree with bushpig when I started reading the first verse and knowing the title :lol:
I think the lyrics capture those late mornings in bed with that special someone and flow nicely. I wonder about the last line in the chorus though, but I can't make up my mind. I think it's cool in a sense that it's a bit selfironic (I'm certain I'm supposed to use another word there, but I can't find it in my head). But I also think it sort of disrupts the overall mood from the rest of the lyrics, seeing as they describe the pleasure and comfort of the moment. When I'm reading it now I sort of man-giggle and nod in recognition. (man-giggle? :roll: There's no hope for me)

Other than that one line I really like it. I like the melody in the recording and the feel of it. I don't think this could be played another way, it needs to be as fragile as the moment the song describes.

Good job! :)

:)
-man

Hi manontheside

Thanks for the feed back appreciated , that old fart in that pic that I have for avatar is me . Notice the beard well had some surgery a little while ago and had to shave it off , since then I get a couple days growth and the stubble and scruffy appears . The Mrs hates it as is always whinging about haveing a shave before I get close to her ( if you know what I mean )...

I think I know where your coming from with that comment , the rest of the song is about ( mostly ) the mood . Then I have thrown in something personal .. Is that what you mean ?

Hilch :?:

Uhm... I don't look like my avatar at all :shock: (Just thought I'd clear that up :))
I know what you mean about the beard, but only a little bit. I don't grow a lot of beard... I'm 24 years old and I see 12 year olds with more beard than I have! :evil:

Seeing as you wrote the song, that line describes how you look at yourself (either seriously or humorously etc) and adds a personal touch, yes. I'm just not sure how it fits with the rest of the song, I can't decide. One one hand, it's an intimate moment and it should be honest (as in describing how things are), but on the other hand, you could go for the picture-perfect version. Anyway, I'm probably the only one who feels this way. I can shut my yap and moap over the fact that I wake up alone every morning (and then dance in joy over the fact that I can go to bed whenever I feel like) :)

:)
-man

Yeah, nice Hilch. I think I agree with MOTS about the last line of the chorus though.
Maybe something like:
I know I am in love when
you put your hands on my shoulders
I put my hands upon your waist
I feel your heart in those tender lips
As you kiss my stubbled face

I think it's the word “scruffy” that doesn't quite work.

Anyway good job here me old mate ( jeez man, 2 songs )

Cheers

Paul

Thanks Paul (Pbee)

MM I'm not totally convinced that scruffy does not belong in there , but thanks for the alternative line ...

But you do make it read a tad better , by adding the word " HEART " in the second last line .mmmm Food for thought ...

Appreciate the feed back and the input

Cheers
Hilch :?:

Hi Hilch

I'll vote for scuffy. Think it fits in fine and calls up a perfect image (with or without icon). It's very hard to write a good love song and I think you do a great job simply by setting a scene that works well.

And I also think you could have gone the "noise" route as well without much sacrifice. The fourth verse could have been something like:

Loud neighbours making noise
Going places mowing lawns
Let me gently close the widow
We'll make some noise of our own

Just a thought.

Really enjoyed this and I hope to get to listen to it later this week.

Peace

Thanks David

Thats a lovely re-write on that verse might have to steal it :lol: :lol: :lol:

Sorry guys scruffy stays , after thinking about it .... it really does describe me fairly well ...

Hopefully will be able to play it for our wedding anniversary in November

Hilch

Hopefully will be able to play it for our wedding anniversary in November
And you don't do well at romance - come on you old smoothy.

Nice piece. It's always difficult to write something so personal but always worth it if it comes off.

MP3 is nice - and I disagree that you can't sing or play the guitar that excuse won't wash with us anymore after listening to this.

Good stuff

Bob :wink:

Thanks Bob

You mean I have to come with another excuse after so many months ? :lol: :lol:

Really do appreciate the feed back not just on the writting but the playing and so called singing .. Thanks means alot

Hilch :?: