Here is my attempt at writing for this week's Sunday Songwriter's group. It's my first entry, and I know it's not very good, but it's a start :P I haven't done any chords for it yet (I wrote it at my desk at work, naughty me), but maybe I'll have a play around sometime later this week and see what I can come up with.
Many Hands Make Light Work
Intro:
Many hands make light work
Many hands make light work
Many hands make light work
Many hands....
Verse (i):
One hand alone can do one task
Or maybe two, if not too fast
But when Mr Left is left behind
It's time to call on Mr Right
Verse (ii):
You'll find two hands are better than one
Twice as much work will get done
But when the work reaches overload
Just two hands are worked to the bone
Chorus (i):
Many hands make light work
As long as hands don't try to shirk
But many hands will wax wroth
When too many cooks spoil the broth
Verse (iii):
Watch the work just melt away
As many hands save the day
A call to arms will bring them on
And soon the work will all be gone
Chorus (i)
Chorus (ii):
Many hands make light work
The sum of the parts is of greater worth
But the safety of numbers can fast go astray
When too many hands enter the fray
Verse (iv):
Some say that every straw in the stack
Only holds the needle back
But with too few hands you'll be in a plight
Because many hands will make work light
Chorus (i) & (ii) to fade.
Nice take on the assignment. You sure did manage to squeeze quite a few of those old saws in there, didn't you?
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
Nice take on the assignment. You sure did manage to squeeze quite a few of those old saws in there, didn't you?
Thanks! It was fun adapting all of the proverbs to fit the topic - I like wordplay and stuff. I'm thinking of going back over the old challenges and writing responses to them, although given the way I procrastinate I probably never will :-P
S.
Hi Saryu and welcome to the SSG!
Maybe it's just the mood I'm in, but I hear this as a light reggae number, kind of like The Banana Boat Song.
In fact, I wanted to suggest that you might think about cutting out some of the awkward lines and concentrate on making it more sing-songy. As it stands now, I think your choruses are the weaker parts, mostly because of some of the language usage (things like "wax wroth" or "enter the fray.")
You've got a lot of good material here and trimming things down a bit might help it a lot. Think about using the current "verse iii" as your chorus, with a repeat of two of the intro lines to bring it back around to the next verse. Something like this:
Intro:
Many hands make light work
Many hands make light work
Many hands make light work
Many hands....
Verse (i):
One hand alone can do one task
Or maybe two, if not too fast
But when Mr Left is left behind
It's time to call on Mr Right
Chorus:
Watch the work just melt away
As many hands save the day
A call to arms will bring them on
And soon the work will all be gone
(many hands make light work
many hands make light work...)
Verse (ii):
You'll find two hands are better than one
Twice as much work will get done
But when the work reaches overload
Just two hands are worked to the bone
Chorus:
Watch the work just melt away
As many hands save the day
A call to arms will bring them on
And soon the work will all be gone
(many hands make light work
many hands make light work...)
Verse (iii):
Some say that every straw in the stack
Only holds the needle back
But with too few hands you'll be in a plight
Because many hands will make work light
Chorus:
Watch the work just melt away
As many hands save the day
A call to arms will bring them on
And soon the work will all be gone
(many hands make light work
many hands make light work...) Repeat and fade over these lines...
In between the second singing of the chorus and the third verse, you could throw in an instrumental verse or even write a bridge.
This, of course, is just suggestion and it does smack of more or less "traditional" song structure. But keeping things tight can also make you concentrate on coming up with the best possible lines, of which you have many to choose from. Too many times people want to throw everything possible in a song. You should leave them wanting more.
Congrats on a great first posting and I look forward to reading more of your material.
Peace
Peace
In fact, I wanted to suggest that you might think about cutting out some of the awkward lines and concentrate on making it more sing-songy. As it stands now, I think your choruses are the weaker parts, mostly because of some of the language usage (things like "wax wroth" or "enter the fray.")
The above lines that David mentions had a similar effect on me.
It's perfectly good use of language but I was reading this as
some what a childrens song. (not childish but for children)
The language would be a little over their heads and maybe even
some adults.
Anyways Welcome to SSG and Good Writing.
John
Thanks very much for the great comments and lyrical arrangement David. I was thinking that it might also sound good if there were backing singers repeating the last few words of each line, and then have everyone sing "will all be gone" at once at the end:
Watch the work just melt away (melt away)
As many hands save the day (save the day)
A call to arms will bring them on (bring them on)
And soon the work will all be gone
I agree with everyone's comments about the fancy language...I'm a fan of Tolkien and I'm reading Lord of the Rings at the moment, and that always leaves me using lots of cool but archaic words. I'll have to keep that in mind in future....I don't think I've ever heard a pop song that has the word "wroth" in it :-P
Thanks for all the tips, this is great!
S.
Hi Sarryu
Welcome to SSG
This is a good take on the assignement - but you were right to be suspect about some of the language it doesn't sit well in the song. Wordplay is something I usually enjoy and the 'call to arms' reference is excellent.
David's suggestion is interesting and could be worth pursuing as well as your own ideas at the end.
Good thing about songs is they develop over time and SSG helps that process enormously - welcome abord.
Good start
bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
