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My first song ever!!


(@johnandhole)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 24
Topic starter  

Ok, Im new and Im trying to write a song about my girlfriends mom Because i have daughter (6 months :D ) and im not allowed to see her .. and im trying to write a song about how when im rich and famous (which will happen soon) shes gonna want back in my life and say sorry and wish that this whole little thing with us never happened.. and all i have is..

Went there to see my daughtter..
pretty pink dress on.. That her daddy bought her..
Kick me out of her life...
Exspect me to go live with out her..

and i cant think of anything else.. can u guys give me some ideas to work on.. im trying to go for like toby keith -angry american, and toby keith - how do u like me now.. kind of song.. like im trying to get like..
something about how ur gonna say ur sorry just so i buy u a ferrari.. but thats not gonna happen kind of thing.... and how shes gonna want to be in my life and blah blah blahg.. please please help i would very much like it!! .. and if u guys could help with a other one,.. im tryin to write a song about.. how im glad and have no regrets on having a daughter at young age. because if i would of waited ONE more day then Alexia (my daughter) wouldnt bee the person she is today.. im sure i would of had a little daughter named alexia but it wouldnt be THIS alexia.. have her thoughts and her personality and stuf!! and i believe everything happens for reasons.. god only PREMITS (not makes) bad things happen and hard times of goood is to come out of all of it.. and i believe that me not seeing alexia is happen so i have al these feelings and write them down and start my music carrer off!! and .. idk never know .. god works in weird ways... but i cant get any of this to translate in to lyrics!! .. could someone please help me.. post things on here.. email me me [email protected]

thanks


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(@johnandhole)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 24
Topic starter  

I mean.. i think god ONLY premits (not makes) bad to happen ONLY IFF good is to come out of it.... sorry i miss spelled up top!


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(@johnandhole)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 24
Topic starter  

Ok . You might think im dumb or im lieing or something BUUT idc.. Weell anyways.. a couple weeks ago i had this dream.. and i was with nick carter(i dont know why cuz i dont like him) and then the next dream i was with jason wade (lead vocals to lifehouse).. and Dreams REALLY do mean stuff. Because god didnt give us dreams for no reason.. he did because they mean things right?? like josph.. from the bible days..when his brothers threw him in a hole because there father treated him different because he new he was speical to god.. and hes the guy who could tel dreams.. and so i figured my dream ment something.. so i looked it up to see what it ment.. and it said " dreaming of famous people means you're goals are to high" Because i want to be a rock star.. which i wil too lol.. and then is said "But if you were friends with them" (which i was" then it said "keep on workin at it and dont give up and you will get unexpective help and make it" .. then i thought about it.. and just thought its one guys thoughts (even tho he studys it and stuff) so.. later that day, I was kind of praying and i told god to give me a sign if im going to make it somewhere in music because i dont want to waste my time tryin(even tho i love it even if i wasnt goign to make it somewhere) because i have a daughter and need a other job and just stop trying to get somewhere with music.. just make it rain tomorrow or something!!!... and i looked up the weather and it was sopost to be 80 degree's... and the next day it was RAINING!!!! :o :D :o .. so im guessing i have a good chance.. and when it said im goign to get unexspective help.. It could be one of you guys!!!!!!! .. i believe everything happens for reasons.. my whole life is a big sacerfice (i have a terriable life) and he is sacerficing my life because im going to make a song and change more than one life.. and i wil get rewarded at the end!!!.. he works like that.. but it could be a different thing.. idk.. it just what i think.. and im a very postive person.. NEVER negative


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
 

OK, let's work on the positives then........

You've got a good strong first verse, that's a start - but from the way you wrote, I'd guess this is still a bit like an open wound - what you might need to do is take a step back, get a little perspective - writing from an angry view point is good, but you're thinking a little too emotionally to be clear headed.......

Write the song as if you're writing it about someone else who's in the same position, and you're trying to make them feel better about what's happening.....

Then you need to work out where you're going with the song.......

You could write a little about how you feel about your daughter, why you split with her mother, do you want to get back with her - or not - maybe if you're feeling that way, make the bridge a plea to God, and finish off with a plea to the mother, "Don't keep me out of her life", something like that, and a plea to the daughter, "Please don't ever forget me, I'm always here when you need me, and someday you will", something along those lines........

If it helps, I know what you're going through - my daughters were 3 and a 1/2 and 1 and 1/2 when I split with their mother, it was 12 months before I got to see them again......you're an optimistic, upbeat guy so you've got to believe it'll work out for you - have faith........I never stopped fighting for the right to see my kids and in the end I won....!

Hope this helps,

Vic.

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@johnandhole)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 24
Topic starter  

thanks alot for replying. i didnt think anyone was going to!! i wil try everything you said.. and sorry about how you couldnt see your kids .. i havnt seen my daughter for only 2 months and i feel like my whole life was taking from me!.. and me and my girlfriend arnt split up.. we just arnt allowed to see each other cuz her parents are weird and we underage and she can do that :( .. i went to court and everyhting they wont do anything.. but things happen for reasons.. this will make me strong.. i wont give up my faith either!!.. its just a big test from satan that god allowed to happen because if i keep my faith with him i wil get rewarded from him for the pain i went threw..


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(@bluenotefla)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 77
 

Hi
What you are writing about is so true for so many men and we as a gender do not get a lot credit for being important in the lives of our children. The court system is basis towards women. I know this is going to upset a lot of folks here but it so rare that a father receives any justice in that system. Most of the time men are seen as the ones that need to pay for not to rise the children. In your case you have the added problem of your age. One of the things that might come is that her Mom might try and adopt your daughter this will cut you out of the loop but proper. So be ready and get the help of a lawyer stand up for your rights you do have some even at your age. I can hear form what you have written that you want to be part of her life so what ever you do make sure she knows that, keep writing and write songs to her, let her know that she is on your mind and in your heart The writing will help you stay clear with what you feel and think about this situation. When you write more about what you feel rather then what you are going to do. If the mother of your daughter truly loves you one day you will both be old enough to be together then you and your little one will be together. I now that it feels like it’s going to be forever but time moves on and we get older and before you know it you will be all grown up what ever the heck that is. Please keep working on the music it will help you keep sane in this most painful crisis. I hope this has made some sense the main thing is don’t give up or give in you can and will be part of her life but maybe not as soon as you want to be.

Life is not what you did. It's what you are doing.


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(@johnandhole)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 24
Topic starter  

Thanks!.. Made me feel a little better.. I have a court date set up for visition rights.. and i hope i get to see her atleast once :( ... But Im out of schoool, and got my GED and have a job at a nursing home helping disable people and im in the US army reserves, (parents signed for me) and im ONLY 16 years old.. and im a teenage who gave up my whole life and changed my life to be somebody to give my daughter a wonderful life(after seeing my dad.. i dont want my daughter feeling the way i used to feel) and i WANT the reasonsiblity of a child.. Idk if its just me or what.. But all the teenages i know that got a girl pregnant left them the day they found out.. Not to brag.. but i ser. do not think there are alot of people like me.. That little girl is EVERYTHING to me and her mother too.. I just need help translating al this into lyrics.. is there any books you would recommend.. Or is there any lyric writing classes?? ?? Somone please reply!!


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(@yoshiie)
New Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 1
 

Dear johnandhole.
I completely sympathize with your plight with your daughter. In light of that, the best advice I can offer in response to your last post:
I just need help translating al (sic) this into lyrics.. is there any books you would recommend.. Or is there any lyric writing classes?? ?? Somone please reply!!

After reading your earlier posts the book I would recommend the most is the American Heritage Dictionary. This wonderful tool will not only enable you to learn how to spell correctly, but also give you the tools to communicate in the English language in a way that your listeners will be able to comprehend the raw emotion that would like to convey.

Don't get me wrong, The last thing I want to do is discourage you and I truly applaud your "battle against the system" for your daughter... But seriously, do you really think you will become "rich and famous" (as you mentioned in the first post) through writing songs without a normal working knowledge of your native tongue? Come on! Do yourself and that daughter a favor and get your butt back to school.


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(@johnandhole)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 24
Topic starter  

Why would I go back to school??.. I already took My GED classes and have my GED. and I have a job at a nursing home. and im in the army reserves and i start college this year and im studying music (so theres my shot) and political science, and ROTC.. and Im going to make music(even if i dont get anywhere.. Because its my third love) and Stay in the army till im retired(maybe) and once im 33 i will Train for the FBI.. since i have expericance in the US forces and have my bachlors in political science.. SO i think im pretty much set.. and Im doing all this .. Because i have my classes set up and everything.. So i think im doing pretty good and Only being 16!!.. and since i had a baby at young age.. i have to start my life off at young age.. so i had to start now.... And i can spell i just type really fast and dont care if i spell wrong on here.. because you guys dont mind RIGHT!?!?

Well i will buy that book anyways (i dont know if u were being a smart a** to me but im still buying it)

And I found singing lessons too!!! ! im excited.. Well if anyone Knows any other books.. Please please reply


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
 

we don't give a hoot about spelling - we just care about our friends, all Ican tell you is "Go with the gut feeling - go with what's in your heart"....

And good luck with the visitation rights, like I told you before, took me 12 months, but I got there in the end, DO NOT EVER GIVE UP!!!

Vic...

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@johnandhole)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 24
Topic starter  

But seriously, do you really think you will become "rich and famous"

YES i do.. I have VERY VERY high confidents.. and im only 16 and i love music.. and if i just sit here take al the singin lessons i can.. and practise 12 hours a day.. WHAT in the WORLD is holding me back!?!?!?!? Nothing

EVERYONE REMEMBER MY NAME!!! MATT EBERLY!!! 8) 8) 8) lol


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(@mstry_mn)
New Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 1
 

Wow dude.

First of all, keep truckin' man.

Onto the subject of song writing, I try to write tons of songs. Its the best way to get good at it.

You seem to have lots of heart, lots of faith and lots of confidence, thats a good start.

All-in-all, you need to just step back and breathe and get an idea of how you want to present this to your audience. A line that tells a story and is poetry is MUCH better than a story. My favorite example is the first line from a song by Brad Paisley, "Whiskey Lullaby", it goes:

"She put him out, like the burning end of a midnight cigarette"

That line tells a bit of story but does it through poetry, thats what you should be aiming for. He could have said something like:

"She broke it off, and gave up on thier relationship"

But it lacks poetry and style.

You need to just step back, make a mental outline of a story and how it fits into a song format with verses and choruses, inject some poetry that is simple but effective, and try to get it to rhyme. Keep in mind this is how I sometimes do it, and is not YOUR way, but try it.

Good luck man

Bryan


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