My Life {WEEK 33 }now with part 2 added

Hey Trev

Not bad at all and still within the broad area of the assignment. I knew when I was putting this assignment up not everyone would be able to relate to a Father's Day or even a father as you'd pointed this out in the Everybody Lies assignment when you told us what that song was about. So yours I've been interested to see.

It's a good storyline showing how no father doesn't mean you weren't able to be a good father and that sometimes you just play the hadn your dealt.

It's a good honest song. No quibbles with any of the lyrics (except I don't really like nice but would be stuck to come up with an alternative rhyme).

Good stuff mate

Bob :wink:

Thanks for the feed back Bob
The line you mentioned I wrote first actually as it was my reflection now looking back ..

I suppose I could have had

It would have been lovely

It would have been beautiful

and so on but being in the position I was nice says it best in my opinion , nice is just nice nothing more nothing less just nice to been able to have what everyone around at the time had .

I don't feel now my life as a child was at any lessened by only having mum but I rather think she was a terrific lady and did a marvellous job raising us brats .
4 foot 7 - 10 children in toe and a arm that any decent cricket player would have been proud to have , I copped my fair share of balls thrown in back as a kid { all deserved of course }

Nice like I said was first then sugar and spice seemed so right after that , oh well , I'm glad it didn 't come across as a bad attitude towards the man I never knew but more a song / story of moving on with life .

OOPS babbling now
thanks
Trevor

Hey Trev

Good song here mate. I really like
I have no regrets in my life
As I married the perfect wife
The children we had together
Say they will love me for ever

as both an image-provoker and also as a nice little tribute to your family too.

Any idea's for music?

Pete

Afterthought; After readng it again, I keep wanting to add a word before the line
It would have been nice

Maybe this
I never had a daddy
I never knew that man
Perhaps, it would have been nice
But lifes not all sugar and spice

But that might also just be the rythm I have as I read it. And I guess that also takes away some of the meaning of that line. Hmm....I think I just talked myself out of my own comment! :lol::lol:

Either way, some good writing mate. Keep it up! :D

Pete

Another one to put in the "Songs To Keep" folder Trev!

For this section.....

I never had a daddy
I never knew that man
It would have been nice
But lifes not all sugar and spice

.....you might think about extending it a little ....perhaps something along the lines of

"Never had a daddy,
Never knew that man,
Now I know I didn't need him around,
'Cause mum was strong,
And she carried us all,
From the day he left town...."

seems a shame that your mum got such a good write-up but doesn't get mentioned in the song itself! Also, the six lines instead of four add a little variety. I'll be interested to see what you come up with musically!

:D :D :D

Vic

Thanks for the feed back Vic

Ileft mum out as that wasn't the theme for the week , I didn't want to try and telll 2 stories at once ...

Good ideas just the same

Trev....

And this would be part 2 of the assignment , my real feelings about my father . And yes my ol mum this how so many of your children felt and still do ..

Mum

Well you said good bye
To that scum bag
For that I am really proud
Don't you dare have second now
We'll do your fighting loud

Just like a old lemon flower
That marriage it went sour
Way to much booze ,
Too many dreams to lose
We're all proud of you now

You copped alot of beatings
All those bruises and black eyes
Not once did you ever
Take it out on us
We'll do your fighting now

Why did you have to die on us
Why did you leave us alone
Why did you have to die on us
I still cry when I'm alone

When we were all safe with you
Far away from that scum
I tell each and everyone
They were the best years of my life

Well you said good bye
To that scum bag
For that I am really proud
Don't you dare have second now
We'll do your fighting loud

We will never forget you

Mum

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Just because its personal doesn't mean it can't be subjected to critisism

Trev

Hey Trev,

This is good. Clear; stays on track; honest.

Perhaps Vic's verse might make a good addition rather than a replacement to the first verse. They're not really two different stories the way it's written. It's your call though, on how much scope you want the song to have.

The only part that derailed me was the line that ended with "emotionally strong". I just don't think in general that songs should use the word "emotion", but rather, they should explore the emotion. Sorry I don't have a replacement.

Other than that, I'm impressed.

Hi Trev

This could prove a very exciting song with both parts added together. I think musically it would be a challenge but definitely worth pursuing.

Keep us informed on this one.

Good stuff

Bob :wink: