Nightwalker

Hey Vic,

Great song man. erm, cant pick out any specific bits cuz its all good :)

Good writing,
sozay

being one of the few people who actually comments on my writings, as sad as they may be, I feel it my duty to tell you that I find your song interesting. I get this wierd vibe from the lyrics that just does not sit right. Not saying it doesn't work because I think it is fabulous and the story about the video before hand is great too, had a small chuckle about it. I think that the lyrics have a very good mood that would transcribe well in an akward key or a sad phrasing of chords. Good work.

Around these boards I haven't seen any real rocking songs. This of Course is AWESOME. It reads like a horror film from start to finish. Simply great. this would make a perfect Ozzy song. Hard rock or metal diffenantly. The First verse was amazing but I love the whole song as well.

you have done it again Vic , great stuff mate

2 line chorus is a bit hard hey

but you have done well here

cheers

L.K

Hey!

I've got to admit, Vic, I don't like your chorus.

Everything else is good - very good - and there is nothing wrong with your chorus per se, it just doesn't do it for me. Perhaps the verses are SO strong, any chorus would seem week.

I dunno, and I don't know what you could do about it either. Best ignore me really.

Perhaps you won't mind that comment so much if I say: YES! 2-1 in South Africa! First win there since '65. Bring on the Aussies!

G

yes, it definitely rocks;)
powerful,moody, great.

what more could I say?

cheers,
bluenightangel

Don't worry about the Aussie's , as they will be having British stew very very soon .

could not resist

:D :D :D :D

Or is that Stew who'll be having Aussie beef.....

:) :) :)

Vic

"Better be carfull, he'll rip your lungs out jim" :twisted:

Nice! have you got music to go with that yet :?: Waron Zevon smilles down on you LOL. :lol: -the dog

I'm not happy with this for a couple of reasons.....

1) Finding it difficult to put music to....got a nice simple riff for the verses, trouble is finding a different riff for the chorus....same, but different if you know what I mean....

2) gjbrake said "I've got to admit, Vic, I don't like your chorus." Well that makes two of us...I opened a real can of worms with this one....the original first line was "I am the nightstalker, I am the midnight walker"....didn't like "Nightstalker" for some reason...and that would've had to have been the title.....so I changed it round....Nightwalker I liked, midnight stalker I didn't ...sounded too much like Midnight Rambler...so changed it to deadly stalker, I had in mind a sort of Jack the Ripper/London Werewolf/Vampire shadowy figure in mind.....

and I hate that last line, "I am all your devils, I am everything evil"....it sort of rhymes but it doesn't work....

I need help with this one, spent a lot of time revising it before I posted it, I thought I was on to something...the only part I thought of changing in the verses was the end of the first verse, "The medicine man who cast the bones"....thought of using Shaman instead of Medicine man, but I've used that word in a song before.....

And then the 1st verse doesn't really lead into the chorus all that well....

I REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS ONE!!!!!

Don't want to throw the verses away....but I need a short, snappy chorus that gets the point across.....

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!

:(

Vic

Vic,

your desperate plea for help moved me :) proabably not the best person for the job, but here goes :P i gathered the main qualm you had was your chorus, so here are a couple of ideas... not sure that im particularly fond of either, they just kind of popped into my head, but it might be a seed for a better one

tied to this earth, but born not of it
I'll tear a hole in the sky, and leave your world ragged...

Tied to this earth, but born not of it
Otherwordly desire, with the power to feed it

cheers
sozay

Thanks Sozay....I think you've pointed me in the right direction....how does this sound for the chorus......

"I tear holes in your people, leave 'em bleeding and ragged,
Cut a swathe through your world, gaping and jagged..."

Now we're getting into "Predator" territory almost.....!

(One more slight problem though.....is "SWATHE" pronounced to rhyme with "bathe" or is the "A" pronounced like "R" like in "Father"..........?)

Or is that one of those trans-Atlantic cross-cultural differences?

Vic.

I'd say swathe similar to bathe...

as for the chorus, its moving in the right direction i think... now i know nice always says 'dont tell me, show me' something i completely agree with. however in horror movies... and therefore, to some extent, horror songs it more scary when you dont show people... and let there imagination take over... for this reason i think your chorus is perhaps too visual...

im not sure that this really makes much sense, and is probably incredibly unhelpful... sorry

maybe......if i rewrote the choruses.....kept them in a similar vein....but used three different choruses, the first one a teaser, the second slightly more explicit and the third fairly graphic.....?

Vic

DAMMIT WHERE'S BOB WHEN YOU NEED HIM!!!!