This is the 3rd song ive wrote and i would appreciate any feedback
On the mind
Meet me by the bridge, I'm alive on the outside but dead underneath,
Let me take you round let me bring you down; breathing is hard with eyes closed,
Got to get out of this hole,
There are things I could say I could sing you a song, I've got every thing that you could want,
So darling believe me when I say to you you're the next best thing in this life that's true.
You are like a summer rose but your smile wears thin, can you heal the scar that's on my heart, dry the tears I've cried whilst we were apart
Lets find away for a better day, meet me by the bridge I'm alive on the outside but dead underneath,
Let me take you round let me bring you down; breathing is hard with eyes closed,
Got to get out of this hole,
Knowing where you are going makes me feel guilty but brings me peace,
Desire makes me feel ugly but brings me relief
Everybody loves somebody in this world, know one wants to grow old alone, love is you, So darling believe me, you're the best thing in this life that's true
your poem is free verse, and if you wanna see great usage of implementing free verse into a song, listen to Bob Marley's Catch a Fire
I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!
Hi'a
This is the part I find most difficult aswell, but don't give up.... what i do is go to a song I really like that i have the chords for, and mix then up a bit, change the timing, and the rhythm and go from there, sometimes it works, it helps if you have a basic melody line in your head though, sometmes i have sometimes I don't.
as a last resort ask someone on the web to help you do the melody, there are some great musicians around here and I'm sure someone would love the challenge.
go well
Ja'mir
P.S. what style music do you play or like to listen to ... this also helps
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
thankyou for your feedback it has bee nvery helpfull
