year 2 SSG 28 Ja'mir

Wow! I really like this "X within a X" theme, Jamir. It's completely not the way I was taking the song when I merged your & Marv's lines for the first verse, but I like it. Right now, I could use a week within a week just to catch up on everything going on at work, home, and here on the boards! But seriously, this is worth pursuing. Reminds me of a book I've never finished called "Godel, Escher & Bach, an eternal golden braid." Very interesting, and very captivating.

-- Scratch

Hi'a Scratch thanks for the comments,

I am hoping you and Marv are gonna help me come up with another verseor 2 , around the theme, using the puddle from the tears, as a backdrop to going into the dream world if you catch my drift of thoughts!!!!
you know starring into the puddle mezmorised kinda thing
go well
Ja'mir

I had shared this with scratch a while back when i first wrote it.. sort of a different take. But here it is.

"Two Dollars"

The view is... so beautiful.
From the bottom of this puddle
I never even noticed I'd been crying
Time, go backwards, I left myself behind
as your memory rippled forward
in the shadows of my mind

(chorus)
I didn't hear you say goodbye
I just smiled
And waved there
beneath the waves where
I saw in soft focus
And moved in slow motion
And mouthed the words
But never heard a sound
"See you around" I said
"See you around"

And your voice is so musical
from deep inside this tunnel,
I swear I never noticed you were lying
Time, go backwards, I believed every line
of the whispered conversations
in the shadows of my mind

(chorus)

(ending)
And all you left behind
Was your outline in the pillow
A few unwanted clothes
Your key, my name
Two dollars change
And me

-Marv

Hi'a Marv,
this is excellent... i love the way the mind is wandering......have copied and pasted it to add to what I have in mind to mix it around, with your permission of course..... I'm not going to ask you if you have a tune for this one though.... not until i hear "midnight blue" :cry: I have the patience of as saint :wink:

go well
Ja'mir

I really like both of these. Hope to hear them soon. I've been really busy and haven't been following things here lately. Who came up with these amazing lines:

Time, go backwards, I believed every line
of the whispered conversations
in the shadows of my mind

???

That would be Scratch.

Well... yeah, that would be me, but Jamir came up with:

Time, go backwards, I left myself behind
as my thoughts ripple forward
in the shadows of my mind

Which is essentially what I used for last week's exercise. Then I added the second verse last week, because simply melding Marv's and Jamir's lines together was effortless. So I wanted to add something. So those particular lines you mentioned, Maxwell, were mostly my words, but draped over Jamir's framework. She did the hard work, and I just changed the color a bit for the second verse. But I'm glad you liked it.

-- Scratch

Pardon this intrusion, I just wanted to say "Great teamwork"! 8) I really like the way you altered it to fit your needs, which helped the whole thing evolve into one great song. Takes me back to Portia's "Silent Conversations" from about a year ago. Jamir, as I am not in as frequent attendance as I would like to be on the forum, please send me an e-mail if you record this so I don't miss it!

No problem Max,
how is school going, update me ok !!!!