ok i have written this song on my acoustic guitar and it sounds awsome to me..(and some friends)....but there really isnt a chorus. im wondering if thats a bad thing its cuz i cant come up with one. But they say originality is key in a song is this originality????
*** i hold the words in the so called choruses
intro
id always dreamed i'd say this to you
you are so beautiful to me
your eyes light up the sky
brighter than the stars do at night
verse
why cant you just take me by the hand
so i can just be you man
i tried to talk to you today
i said hi but you just turned away
i didnt mean to be so dumb
i was just nervouse and i was numb
i didnt think that you would care
that i was so fucken scared around you
chorus?
around you
why cant you just take me by the hand
to walk on the beach and play in the sand
we'll walk the shores all nite and day
we'll look at the stars they all look the same
and now that i see your eyes and the sky
i know that our not telling lies
i know you were telling the truth when you said
i love you
chorus?
i love you
ourto
i knew i felt the same way
i hope this feeling never goes away
well i would really appreciate your comments and suggestions of a chorus or not.......even if you have one to fit would be great well thanks bye.
hey um... i think this is in the wrong forum.
hi MxPxbass182
:D I did a little more than just a chorus (It just fit better to me with what I had) hope this will help you
i didnt think that you would care
that i was so $%^&@ scared
I feel so meek every time we meet
personaly I think this part should be removed [around you] and replaced with the above line or somthing like it depending on how you sing it
maybe you could get your chorus from your intro
could read somthing like this...
your eyes light up the night
brighter than the northern lights
your so beautiful to me
your all I see
your all I see when your around me
then take out [around you]
why cant you just take me by the hand
to walk on the beach and play in the sand
we'll walk the shores all nite and day
we'll look at the stars they all look the same
and now that i see your eyes and the sky
i know that our not telling lies
i know you were telling the truth when you said
i love you
[maybe its just me but I feel dream to reality to quickly in the same verse] could keep it dream like and could read like this
why cant you just take me by the hand
to walk on the beach and play in the sand
we'll walk the shores all nite and day
we'll look at the stars they all look the same
but when I look in your eyes I will see no lies
your lips will tell the truth
and when I say I love you,you will feel it too
chorus
I love you , I knew you felt it too
I hope this feeling never goes away
I hope I didn't pick it apart to much :oops:
like I said this may not work at all depending on how you sing it
anyway have a good one chat to you later
mystic :D
thanks for the help....bye
