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We All Feel

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(@guitargeek)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 281
Topic starter  

He stands up in front of the crowd
And tells them they can make a difference
If for a brief moment, all hope is here
Cash, coins and keys in my pocket
For once I feel lucky
For once I feel lucky

And if this plan fails
Then we've failed them once again
But they're used to disappointment
Used to feeling starving

He's always telling us the figures
For every few seconds makes all the difference
And for a moment I feel so alive
Friends, sister and mother at home
Today I don't feel alone
Today I don't feel alone

And if this plan fails
Then we've failed them once again
But they're used to disappointment
Used to feeling starving

How you feel
How we feel
How they feel
We all feel


   
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(@rocketgirl)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 206
 

guitargeek,
Used to feeling starving
This line seemed kinda awkward.

I dont' really get what you're going for in this. Maybe just a blond moment. :) Feel free to tear mine apart! G.


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Guitargeek,

I must say Rocketgirl expressed my sentiments exactly.

Good song but that one line seems akward.

Maybe, "use to being hungry" or "use to that starving feeling"

Just a couple thoughts

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi Guitargeek,

I read your song before I read the other reviews and had the same feeling about that line. If this was my song I might go for something like this:
And if this plan fails
Then we've failed them once again
But they're used to disappointment
And we're used to feeling shame

I think other than that line this is a really good song. Good job :D .

pb


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@guitargeek)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 281
Topic starter  

hey pbee..thanks for your suggestion, i like it much better :)


   
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(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 420
 

And we're used to feeling shame

I like that better too, but I think it may be more biting/accurate to do something like:

And we're used to deflecting blame

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
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