As usual ALL comments welcome. Thanks. G.
Please note, to writers I have not critiqued. Please don't think I am ignoring you, I just don't want to duplicate what somebody else has already said.
What Love Would Do
© 2005 Gwynne
Sleeping only to put behind
Another hungry day
As castles in the sky
Trade justice for free trade
Show us the solution
For more than our daughters
Put shovels in our hands
End death by dirty water
Chorus
Mutiny or immunity
Voices carry from me to you
Lie in wait or educate
Know what love would do
Everybody's watching
And haunted by their eyes
Never touching bottom
Going on about their lives
Monetary savior
Rely to keep afloat
Given a chance to sail
We'll open the door of hope
Chorus
Bridge
Free rock in the free world
Give more than a medicine kiss
Save our boys and girls
Add my name to the list
Rocketgirl,
I like it !
Give more than a medicine kiss
That's a Great line
Celt
It's all good, but I really love the chorus and the bridge!!!!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hey Rocket,
this is a nice song. I like the chorus too especially the illiteration of the first line
Mutiny or immunity im not quite sure what you mean by it but its is a cool line. Good job :D .
pb
Hey Rocket,
Lots of good lines here, my favourite being:
Trade justice for free trade
A bit of a tongue twister for the vocalist I would think, but its a very succinct statement of the true problem.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
I thought the start of the first verse was terrific, and really (A) set the scene perfectly for the rest of the song, and (B) left me carrying away an image (castles in the sky) of the G8 summit/decision makers etc. in a tall building ratifying free trade as the end-all goal at the expense of everything else, with the clear connection in just those first four lines(hungy... to justice) to the unfortunate consequences.
Really terrific writing.
And in the second stanza of the first verse, I got a clear understanding (nice, in following the castles in the sky) that the "you" being addressed was those in power. ("Show us the solution...put shovels in our hands, end death by dirty water.")
Some of the other stanzas left me less clear about who was being addressed. (But that may be my befuddlement, not the lyric.) I didn't quite get the lines Monetary savior/rely to keep afloat.
Nice lyrics.
SfDean.
Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny--Frank Zappa.
Who smells funny now?--Jazz
Thanks everybody for your comments.
pbee,
Quote:
Mutiny or immunity
im not quite sure what you mean by it but its is a cool line. Good job
I was referring to the conflict of turning our backs on mankind or helping them help themselves and be immune. I guess I should change it if it's not clear enough?
SfDean,
I didn't quite get the lines Monetary savior/rely to keep afloat.
Monetary savior being money.
Some of the other stanzas left me less clear about who was being addressed
Yeah, I do do that. Thanks for the reminder, keep me on track!
Thanks again for all the input. G. :)
Sorry for the late reply, Rocket. I just noticed this this morning. Very nice song. I like it a lot. Well done.
Joe
Hi Rocket
Astonishingly powerful writing
Excellent stuff
Bob 8)
You are what you eat, eat well
