Joe--Thanks. You've given me some ideas, and I like your concept of a _faster_ connection and your line "much success with these." I think I'll tie ...

Thanks for your suggestions again, Slow Play (even if you still aren't letting me off the hook for the Hallmark card interruption.) I'll work on this...

Nicely done. The weakest line is "rocks blocking your only path" because that's a minor discomfort by blues standards. You might consider changing i...

I like it better. Somehow, when I read it, though, I do the line break before the "be" at the end of the third line.Great job.SfDean.

Slowplay, I rewrote the couplet you (appropriately) noted was weak. Revised, here's the current version:Cirque de Soleil(Catch Each Other If We Fellâ...

Here's the rewrite. Cut the chorus in half, and came back to it in a couple of different ways. Snipped the ugliest lines, added a bridge and made a ...

I loved the 1st chorus except for this line Alone, I do . Something like "lonely without you" works better for me( and even thats probably not the be...

I'm not getting a clear since of rythm though.What kind of musical setting do you see this in?Celt Well, there's the problem. (One of several proble...

Really nice start, and a lot of evocative images.This has the feel of a rough draft/brainstorming/starting place for what could really be a powerful s...

Terrific job. A real genuine emotional connection. And there are singers who are going to connect with, and want to sing, this lyric.Simple words u...

Well done. Funny. Focused. Believable. Specific. Dramatic. Well rendered. And absolutely today. What did you have in mind for a musical genre? ...

I really liked this.It seemed...haunting. (In a good way. And I don't often go for obscure. Vagueness is not the same as depth. So you did really ...

Well done. Well rendered scene and situation. I think you can make it even more dramatically interesting, though, by taking us even further in the b...

Wow. Nicely done.1. I think your first verse is terrific. I liked your original version the best. I especially liked (A) your use of all the poeti...