SSG 10 Week 2 - Girls and Guns and Gasolene

I really enjoyed this, Chris.
It's a great, droll telling with some wonderful imagery.
'Greasy defiance' is inspired!

The first reference to G, G and G confused me though. I thought it was written on the cigarette pack.

Good luck with it. Looking forward to seeing/hearing how it progresses.

:)

Edit: One other thought. Maybe the payoff could be a little less explicit? I know it would break the 'no girls', 'no guns' structure, but I think it would be funnier if the listener filled in 'no gasoline' on their own.
So maybe just the battered can, downcast eyes and trundle down the road (and a reference to the far off filling station?)

It's great to have you back Chris, missed your wit and insight.

I haven't read your lyrics yet. I will after my next meeting. Damn work, it keeps getting in the way. But I'm a bit confused, what else is there to write about other than women, weapons and cars?

I really enjoyed this, Chris.

The first reference to G, G and G confused me though. I thought it was written on the cigarette pack.

Thanks for the read and comments. :)

Yes, you're dead right about the cigarette pack! I even wondered about that myself before posting, so that will have to be changed. Confusion about which is the subject, the shirt or the pack. Perhaps "written on his back", as in the repeats would be enough? (OK. Changed "the" to "his" now). Or the whole cigarette thing could go in favour of something more about the shirt? It's currently just a sort of 'first thoughts, straight onto the page' sort of thing. I usually take things much further before posting, but after seeing how successful James' wild west song was last week, and how generous he was about accepting comments and changes, I thought I'd try the same thing. So all first impressions and comments are very useful.

At this stage it's just an idea - three words that could be linked to observations. It came out with a strong 'loser' flavour, but I think that was the influencer of reading Bruce's lyrics. The ones I happened picked seemed to have a rather downbeat flavour.

Usually I'd be looking for some music now - or at the very least a beat or rhythm structure to start building the lyrics on. Once that starts to happen the key words have to fit the pulse. So old stuff gets tossed out and new brought it. So it will be interesting to see how that goes and if any suggestions come along about the possible music.

I'm hoping that the song will change quite a lot, around the three key words.

Edit: One other thought. Maybe the payoff could be a little less explicit? I know it would break the 'no girls', 'no guns' structure, but I think it would be funnier if the listener filled in 'no gasoline' on their own.
So maybe just the battered can, downcast eyes and trundle down the road (and a reference to the far off filling station?)

Interesting idea. :) I'll keep that one in mind and see how the rest shapes up.

Cheers,

Chris

It's great to have you back Chris, missed your wit and insight.

Thank you Nick for such a warm and generous comment. It would be churlish of me to attempt to disagree with such an obviously wise man... :mrgreen: but you forgot to add 'opinionated old fool'....
But I'm a bit confused, what else is there to write about other than women, weapons and cars?

I think we're allowed Money and Drugs in rock lyrics too, aren't we? :wink:

This is a particularly good exercise from you, because Bruce Springsteen has such a successful way of doing it. I actually bought a book of his songs a year or so ago with the aim of doing exactly what you and David were talking about - analysing how he gets a story across using short punchy key phrases. I just never got around to doing it.... :oops: :oops:

It seems to me that back in the pre-rock days lyrics were often crafted in quite detailed manner, with the expectation that the singer would have clear diction and the audience would probably be listening reasonably attentively and get the whole story. But who knows or even hears all the lyrics of a full bore rock song now? Under most circumstances (concert, pub, shops, work, car radio, etc) there's a lot of other noise and distraction. Getting all the lyrics is often impossible, even if you try hard. What gets through is a smattering of phrases, like mountain tops poking through the mist. You rarely get the full picture. But if the peaks are well chosen you can mentally assemble your own valid story anyway - even if it's not precisely the same one.

So I've had years of not knowing the lyrics to Bruce's songs - but still getting a perfectly good listening experience because the punchy phrases that I did hear still painted an interesting picture, without needing the story to be explicitly spelled out with a lot of commentary.

Great assignment.

Cheers,

Chris

Hi Chris,

That was fast! :shock: I still haven't even started this week, so I'll be doing a late entry for sure. I like your lyrics and idea and look forward to the listen :wink: Are you going to try some of Springsteen's chord progressions for this one? :idea:

Thanks for sharing.

James

Chris, a great start. Interesting idea to write about what the guy doesn't have. I think you've really stuck with the idea of writing concrete descriptions. Without ever making any judgmental comments, you've painted the guy as a pretender.

I didn't think that the "float his boat" line in version 1 worked, so I'm glad to see that it's not in version 2.

I didn't think that the "float his boat" line in version 1 worked, so I'm glad to see that it's not in version 2.
Thanks for the view and feedback, Renee. :) Yes, that one was a clunker.. :oops:

I usually write neatly old fashion rhyming couplet style songs, so I'm really trying to get away from that and be freer with the structure. Mostly I start by scribbling down a bunch of ideas, phrases etc and that often means a little pile of end rhymes. This time I just put down a run of prose descriptions and phrases to see where it would go.

I've since sorted out some preliminary music, and the current version can be sung OK over the chords/rhythm but there's still a lot of room for improvement in both the words and the music.

Unfortunately, I'm not as accurate and confident singer as you are and my playing skills aren't that good either. So this is the stage which I always struggle with - trying to get a passable sounding demo. There's always a very large gap between what I hear in my head and what gets past the dreaded red recording button! :wink:

Chris

Are you going to try some of Springsteen's chord progressions for this one? :idea:

Thanks for the read and comments. I wrote a reply to you yesterday but must have failed to hit the post button. It's not here now... :oops:

I did think of using one of his songs as a template, but I don't think we're supposed to take the Springsteen connection that literally. So no, I've gone for something simple and not in Bruce's style.

To be honest, yesterday I was ready to chuck the lyrics back in the "Later" pile and give it a miss for this week. I just couldn't get even close to the sound or feel I was I was looking for..... :( But tonight I thought I'd at least try and do some sort of rough recording to see give me some ideas about where to go next, and out popped pretty much the sort of beat and feel I was after. So you never know... :)

It's still a long way way off done, very rough still, and the chord changes vary fairly randomly on the way through. But there are bits and pieces that I'm at least starting to hear how they could be sorted. I do enjoy the improvising and experimenting stage, but I still need to do a lot more work on settling on a consistent version, and just performing the thing better. Maybe half way there now?... :wink:

MP3 Apparently they're' Girsl' now.. :roll:

Cheers,

Chris

The only thing that bothers me is "small white man" isn't as good your other descriptions, maybe you could describe something about him that gives you the same info. I mean you are describing his race, not really him if you know what I mean.

The rest of it is deliciously Mellencampish if not Springsteen-like. Very nice.

Made me think, who else does this well? Mellencamp? Seger?

The only thing that bothers me is "small white man" isn't as good your other descriptions, maybe you could describe something about him that gives you the same info. I mean you are describing his race, not really him if you know what I mean.

Thanks for the read and comments Nick. I was hoping to get some unprompted feedback on that exact word, so that was most timely. :)

I tend to think of the US as being much more conscious of descriptions in racial terms whereas, to me, it simply meant that he was pallid rather than tanned. I did think of using "pale" instead but "small white man" (for me) also had a sort of Randy Newman feel to it which appealed. I'd also sing "white-man" in a more close coupled fashion if I wanted to be clear that I meant his race. But that doesn't matter. If most listeners would think that it was a comment on his race (and I think that you're right and they probably would) then I'll see if I can find something better.

Cheers,

Chris

Made me think, who else does this well? Mellencamp? Seger?
Um, maybe Bob Dylan? First read through, I actually thought it was quite Dylanesque.....second read through, I'm thinking "Badlands" - no, not the Springsteen song off DOTEOT, but the film starring Martin Sheen and Cissy Spacek. Lots of connections there, especially the last line (if my memory's working correctly) - "I'll be damned if he don't look like James Dean!"

Works for me....I could hear Bruce singing this, or something very similar. Pity Springsteen wasn't involved on the soundtrack to Badlands!

:D :D :D

Vic